As a subscriber to Thrillist my curiosity was piqued when this arrive in my inbox -
After the heated exchange with the scales, I had been toying with the idea of joining a gym and yet here was a chance to do something different but sans the gym - perfect I thought !
So here's what happened each week -
Week 1 - Measurement and baselines, it would seem that I am indeed well below the top of my game in the overall fitness department. I also need a Tabata timer, this will tell me when to stop one set and start the next one, probably better than paying a guy named Paul to walk around you yelling the same stuff. After all - as you know- If it's for free , its for me !
So after the first few days - Why the f%#k do my ribs hurt ? They are just bones .....
And how is crab walking helpful ? This was especially made more uncomfortable when the youngest couldn't stop laughing at my head bobbling around he said "You look like Michelin man pop vinyl collectible ! "
A superman lat pull ? An Inchworm ? What the hell is going on ?
Thankfully they helpfully have a link to a YouTube video of the exercise. This was vital when it came time for the Yoga. I have long held that this is not a legitimate exercise, but frankly I am glad of the break. Turns out holding the pose is the challenge....... but I'm not seeing any results yet and all I seem to be doing is sweating like a Finnish sauna contestant.
Week 2 - I have come to fear the word core, followed by the description of a pyramid work out. It hurts both doing it and afterward. The exercises compound themselves on top of each other and everything hurts all at the same time. Whilst the routines are only taking between 35 to 45 minutes I am guzzling water like a it's a dessert crossing, and now have 3 water bottles on the go. After each days exercise I literally welcome sitting down to work, because - I'm sitting down.
Week 3 - AMRAP. This is meant to mean As Many Reps As Possible, what it actually means is why are you lying on the ground crying you still have 3 rounds to go. This is beyond ridiculous, catching my breath has become one of the actual sets .....
Thank god there is a run day in here as well to let me at least recover slightly. I can run / shuffle like I'm on a cruise ship trying desperately to burn off the calories from that weird meal they serve after dinner but before late supper.
The time taken to complete the exercises hasn't changed but the intensity is now higher than Basic Instinct after he said to her "it's over". Shorter rest periods and more to do is now the norm.
That being said by the end of this week I have noticed I can now do the actual exercises and I feel stronger.
And it should be noted that I have now stopped crying half way through....
Week 4 - I am actually doing this ! The intensity has ramped up and I am still maintaining pace with the flows. Until that is , day 30 hit like a fry pan to the head. It crushed all of my hopes and dreams along with the inability to walk for the rest of the day after climbing stairs for 5 mins.
As I sit here looking back at the 31 days, whilst I am a little lighter ( I probably should have done something with my diet, after all it's no good doing all this and then shame eating bags of Twisties in the bathroom with the door locked), I feel great and actually can see some toning. Which is a change from the pale indiscernible flesh that usually covers my body.
I encourage all you, dear readers to try these sorts of things, as please don't let me be the only one shame eating in the bathroom.......