tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91143389298073700432024-02-08T17:22:43.839+11:00Dad on the GoThe musings and thoughts of a father to 2 boys , owner of a herd of one cow and trying to forge a (new) pathway through lifeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-28875217710868225202018-12-03T18:03:00.000+11:002018-12-03T18:50:38.326+11:00A is for Adventure<br />
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It is a very prevalent comment from people that change is
often hard. You get told this as if this gives permission to complain or even
try to resist the change. During the 90’s change management was actually a
thing that you could sell to organisations ( think “who moved my cheese”) and
was everywhere you turned. It predated the obsession in the 00’s with CRM and
to resist it was to be branded “ not a team player “.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As you know my life has changed completely from what it used
to be. During the last 3 years everything changed again as I moved from what
was to what is now. This meant that I had to re find myself and then work out
how I was going to see out my remaining days on our beautiful blue planet. I
certainly was not going to do it alone and I am pleased that I have found a beautiful,
confident, self-starter and like minded partner to set out and discover the last
great adventure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I use the word adventure as I decided that it was pointless
to continue to try to do what I had previously set down as my plan. I
discovered that as much as I tried - the map I had in my head could not be
molded to the terrain - and as the Swiss army aphorism says “if the map and
the terrain disagree, trust the terrain”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So, we took all the bits of how we thought we could spend
our days, mashed them together and came up with a new plan. The next part was
to work out where.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Looking for somewhere to live and derive an income without
being to far from travel options ( trains, planes and automobiles ) , had to be
warm but not too hot, good rainfall, grow stuff well, have space for animals,
somewhere for all the toys <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(read garage)
, space for the Minions, space for guests, a place for brewing the list went on
and on but you get the picture on top of all was to be affordable of course –
this had become a daunting task.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After a couple of miss starts (re – termite infestation, a
flood plain and a hilly Christmas tree farm with 9'foot fences ) were overcome <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- one contender became apparent - Coffs
Harbour. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So circle back to the opening statement – we were now
staring down the barrel of consolidating 3 houses, 5 boats, a garage full of
absolutely vital, cannot live without stuff ( you never know when a used rusty 3”
nail will come in handy !) and move it all 17 hours by road - north ! </div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> http://www.askaprepper.com/11-things-pioneers-carried-oregon-trail/</span></div>
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This is
no ordinary run of the mill change – this is a complete life alteration!</div>
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But that is exactly what we’ve done. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Nothing left behind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Armed with my 48 years of knowledge (or is it lack thereof
?) and a well-worn copy Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s River Cottage bible we
will set out to do all the stuff I kept on saying I would do<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“ one of these days “</div>
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Come with us on this journey – its gunna be a hoot !<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-17104240830710619542017-03-15T08:43:00.000+11:002017-03-15T08:43:01.601+11:00I did the Thrillist 31 day challenge and here's what happened<br />
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With my new status and the new year upon me, I decided that I should probably look at my health. I thought I was in OK shape - I run a few times a week and I get to the gym when I travel. How out of shape could I be ? A quick visit to the scales confirmed that my delusions were indeed complete. So what to do ?<br />
<br />
As a subscriber to Thrillist my curiosity was piqued when this arrive in my inbox -<br />
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<a href="https://www.thrillist.com/health/nation/30-day-fitness-challenge-exercise-without-gym-equipment" target="_blank">30-day-fitness-challenge-exercise-without-gym-equipment</a></div>
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After the heated exchange with the scales, I had been toying with the idea of joining a gym and yet here was a chance to do something different but sans the gym - perfect I thought !<br />
<br />
So here's what happened each week -<br />
<br />
<b>Week 1</b> - Measurement and baselines, it would seem that I am indeed well below the top of my game in the overall fitness department. I also need a Tabata timer, this will tell me when to stop one set and start the next one, probably better than paying a guy named Paul to walk around you yelling the same stuff. After all - as you know- If it's for free , its for me !<br />
<br />
So after the first few days - Why the f%#k do my ribs hurt ? They are just bones .....<br />
And how is crab walking helpful ? This was especially made more uncomfortable when the youngest couldn't stop laughing at my head bobbling around he said "You look like Michelin man pop vinyl collectible ! "<br />
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A superman lat pull ? An Inchworm ? What the hell is going on ?<br />
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Thankfully they helpfully have a link to a YouTube video of the exercise. This was vital when it came time for the Yoga. I have long held that this is not a legitimate exercise, but frankly I am glad of the break. Turns out holding the pose <u>is</u> the challenge....... but I'm not seeing any results yet and all I seem to be doing is sweating like a Finnish sauna contestant.<br />
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<b>Week 2</b> - I have come to fear the word core, followed by the description of a pyramid work out. It hurts both doing it and afterward. The exercises compound themselves on top of each other and everything hurts all at the same time. Whilst the routines are only taking between 35 to 45 minutes I am guzzling water like a it's a dessert crossing, and now have 3 water bottles on the go. After each days exercise I literally welcome sitting down to work, because - I'm sitting down.<br />
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<b>Week 3</b> - AMRAP. This is meant to mean As Many Reps As Possible, what it actually means is why are you lying on the ground crying you still have 3 rounds to go. This is beyond ridiculous, catching my breath has become one of the actual sets .....<br />
<br />
Thank god there is a run day in here as well to let me at least recover slightly. I can run / shuffle like I'm on a cruise ship trying desperately to burn off the calories from that weird meal they serve after dinner but before late supper.<br />
The time taken to complete the exercises hasn't changed but the intensity is now higher than Basic Instinct after he said to her "it's over". Shorter rest periods and more to do is now the norm.<br />
That being said by the end of this week I have noticed I can now do the actual exercises and I feel stronger.<br />
And it should be noted that I have now stopped crying half way through....<br />
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<b>Week 4</b> - I am actually doing this ! The intensity has ramped up and I am still maintaining pace with the flows. Until that is , day 30 hit like a fry pan to the head. It crushed all of my hopes and dreams along with the inability to walk for the rest of the day after climbing stairs for 5 mins.<br />
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As I sit here looking back at the 31 days, whilst I am a little lighter ( I probably should have done something with my diet, after all it's no good doing all this and then shame eating bags of Twisties in the bathroom with the door locked), I feel great and actually can see some toning. Which is a change from the pale indiscernible flesh that usually covers my body.<br />
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I encourage all you, dear readers to try these sorts of things, as please don't let me be the only one shame eating in the bathroom.......<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-83633533786476706522017-01-30T13:21:00.002+11:002017-01-30T13:21:19.772+11:00All the small things, true care, truth bringsAs with most things in life the passage of time either adds a new perspective on things or completely distorts the view of them. So it is with precisely that in mind that I approach the fact that my marriage is now over.<br />
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As you know I am extremely passionate and sometimes have a hard time letting things go that aren't right or that have managed to creep under my skin. Take for example the following - You are trying to cook an egg for someone you love. The yolk bursts and the egg in your view is ruined by the fact it is so old and isn't perfect like Nigella's , did you ever stop to think that maybe they were just happy you were cooking them an egg ?<br />
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The harder I tried to make everything perfect, the more difficult it became to create the image of how I thought it should all be.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">credit http://blog.williams-sonoma.com/simply-nigella-cookbook/</span></div>
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As much as I try I can only see that I missed all the little things that needed to be said or done and focused on what I thought should be done, so by that omission it was this that moved us apart. And it happened so quickly.<br />
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The most interesting thing that has come out of the contemplation and soul searching post the separation, is all the things you thought were important - aren't - and the little things that have always been there (but been taken for granted) are suddenly the most important thing.<br />
<br />
But I can assure you that as devastated as I am, this is not a pity post nor a raised flag for sympathy. This is is just the state of play, it's the truth of where in 2017 I am. Still a Dad, still healthy and upright - just a different location and surroundings.<br />
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Along with new added challenges and a new operating reality we'll now need to balance the boys between two houses, negotiate holidays, decide which family functions are mandatory attendance and the list goes on. But of course parental solidarity will still be mandatory, although a lot harder , but mandatory nonetheless to continue to allow the boys to continue to grow and mature.<br />
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My mantra for at least a little while is going to be, I'm not going to be angry at myself or get down and I will talk to friends and family. In the meantime its on wards and upwards as best we can.<br />
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Given its now been 3 years since I posted , it is well time to resume writing and stop procrastinating. It's also well time to do things I should have done and try things that should be tried ( except parachuting, there is never a valid reason to jump from a perfectly good plane with bar service).<br />
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And as the Blink 182 songs says<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">S</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">ay it ain't so, I will not go </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Turn the lights off, carry me home</span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-71587575415257299302017-01-27T14:36:00.001+11:002017-01-27T14:36:36.301+11:00<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3; color: #333333; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12px;">Photograph by </span><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/tony-/" style="background: rgb(243, 243, 243); border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed145a; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Tonyç</a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">when you arrive at your destination , where ever that may be</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">do not wonder why you're here or what is next</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-90011068638478696222014-08-22T17:27:00.000+10:002014-08-22T17:43:00.726+10:00Cats in the CradleI awake with a jolt.<br />
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For a moment I can't move , I'm strapped in.<br />
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I'm fine - I'm sitting in a plane, now wide awake with 5 hours flying time to go. Sleeping on planes isn't too hard as long as you follow the routine - Eat the mediocre - high calorie food, watch some mediocre in flight shows ( heavily edited and redacted ) and once they turn down all the cabin lights you should nod off.<br />
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And yet here I am.<br />
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As noted in the last post - the new job - whilst progressing very well and being immensely interesting, has thrown up some challenges not previously experienced. Which therefore has not allowed me to dip into the bag of Dad knowledge and produce easy to implement solutions, which can be re-created here for your digestion.<br />
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This is disconcerting.<br />
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I was at the kids Saturday sport once and a parent said - "Love the blog but make sure you keep giving us advice " or something to that effect. (Which proves someone reads this)<br />
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So I know that the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing quite what to do will hopefully produce something we can all use....<br />
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The most noticeable challenge currently is that the amount of travel that I thought was mentioned in the interview seems to have exponentially grown.<br />
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After each trip away - I have found that inserting my self back in to the family rhythm after anywhere between 7 to 14 days away is proving slightly more difficult that I thought. It's not just the fact that you essentially travel alone and apart from meetings and conference calls, the level of inane chit chat that a family does is greatly reduced.<br />
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And compounding this is because you have no one to bounce idea's off you have these internal conversations that are completely validated by your own perceptions with no external input ( very dangerous)<br />
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In the mean time the family have of course continued on doing what they do , minus me. So when I return I'm like an outsider for the first few days fumbling around in my own home trying to adjust to any changes that happened sans me.<br />
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And the assumption is now , that I could have to travel again, everyone thinks in much shorter periods of time , when I am actually around so we tend to try to accelerate the solution / outcome. This seems to be due to a now recognition that the periods of time together to resolve life's challenges are going to shorter than previous and that travel could occur again at any time putting on hold all sorts of things.<br />
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So how do I adjust for that ? We have a number of communication points in place that the boys can use to reach out to me and of course with today's technology it seems to be getting simpler.<br />
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But here's a learning point - Timing.<br />
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I've always tried to convince people that in order for clear communication to take place you are going to have to communicate in way that they feel comfortable in. I now want to add to this - the timing. So for example if you try to communicate with your family at a time of high stress such as getting ready for school - you re going to have a bad time.<br />
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This of course doesn't help you if you need a chat because you've had a good/bad/frustrating day and want to talk to the people who understand you the best. So a little understanding will have to come in to play.<br />
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In the mean time I'll try to get back in the swing of things with the family and rest safe in the knowledge that we all know deep in our hearts that our families are the one place we are loved unconditionally. We just have to ask politely.....</div>
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Hopefully now I can stop waking up with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSwL9deXNW8" target="_blank">"Cats in the Cradle"</a> in my head......Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-49152546111498436272013-12-27T09:17:00.001+11:002013-12-27T09:17:15.099+11:00So where abouts is that ?<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Picture this - You are at a Party/BBQ/Function that you've been
dragged along to with people you just don't know. You're doing the best
you can to hold conversations, working through meeting everyone whilst trying to avoid all the pitfalls (<a href="http://dadonthemove.blogspot.com/2011/10/dad-dating-lesson-for-families.html">you
of course have read this post on Dad dating first<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></a>) but despite your best efforts
you’re down to this.....<o:p></o:p></div>
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The only two questions left if you're meeting someone for the
first time and have run out of things to say about your kids or your beloved<o:p></o:p></div>
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or sport<o:p></o:p></div>
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or the weather.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>“What do you do for a crust?”</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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and inevitably <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>"Where are you based / is your office ?"</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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So previously this was not a problem, I worked out of lovely
offices in the central business district and people knew the building I worked
in. It was easy to describe and even if you weren't familiar with the city you
could roughly picture it from the landmarks it was near. I knew all the best places to eat and where to get a good coffee.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now that I have moved to a Global Organisation that has all
changed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You don't have one particular office that you reside in and the
work is where ever you are required.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It's very hard to describe
to other people that you have just spent
a week being locked away in a hotel room with three other guys working on
contract edits for days on end - Trust me it’s a real conversation killer.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And you now no longer have the daily routines that someone with a permanent office has. Not to mention that the perception people have of those who work from home is not exactly glowing (I'm beginning to learn this maybe jealousy).</div>
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That aside, now I have to get used to all the changes in my
working day / life - for example I don’t have any onsite IT unless the beloved
comes in to see why I am swearing at the printer and I have definitely become
aware of how much printer ink costs – that stuff is more expensive than petrol
!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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There is no set start or finish time, the whole thing revolves around when the meetings are or when the project is due. You work when there is work that's required.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
There also have been some adjustments between the beloved and I
now that I am home a lot more, so it’s now accepted that it’s not OK to be
hovering around as she goes about the tasks she normally does day to day<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
That being said you really start to notice all the things that
need doing and cleaning. I have even found the vacuum cleaner (I've not used it
but I know where it is…..)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
So I decided early on that whilst I took breaks away from my PC (yes
I observe OH&S) I would do one extra thing a day to help around the house.
First off – The washing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I had been carefully instructed in the need to separate the
clothes into colour types and I had put on the washing and gone back to work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
There was an almighty thumping noise and a dull far away roar. On closer inspection it became clear - that’s what a washing machine spin cycle sounds like if you put way way too
many clothes in to wash. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Good to know. Won't happen again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The number of telemarketer calls you get during the day really
makes you wonder why they call when the chances of someone being home are statistically
low, for a while I chatted to them, but now I rarely answer as I have all the
time-share holidays I need and I’m all raffled out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
So where is it all at after 3 months ? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The work is interesting and my colleagues are located all over the world which is really cool. The support is excellent and I can pretty much work from anywhere that has electricity and Internet.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
On the plus side for the first time ever I have been able to
attend some of the kids school activities which is great and that will
continue.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
On the negative side I found myself yelling at the pigeons who
were sitting in the herb pot squashing the coriander. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I think I need to go outside a bit more……..<span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-26067240036617254362013-10-14T16:02:00.000+11:002013-10-14T16:12:02.002+11:00Well, at least they didn't take that.....One of the things they don't teach you in school or anywhere for that fact is - about being robbed.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And of course they don't because they assume the best about the world - just like parents who play pass the parcel and ensure everyone gets a prize.<br />
But the reality is that for some of us, it will happen. And for some of us it will happen more than once.<br />
<br />
I'm talking here about your house - not your kids under 12 football teams issues with bad umpiring by the way.</div>
<div>
<br />
No one explains to you that sinking feeling in your stomach when you get home ( or worse wake up in the morning) and realize that - someone you don't know and didn't invite in - has been into your house and not only gone through your stuff but taken things that are yours.<br />
<br />
On a side note I've often wondered that if they don't take stuff that you think is valuable - does that mean it's crap ? I mean apart for photos and the like it's a bit of a blow to the ego if you think about it.<br />
<br />
I've had the displeasure of being robbed many times, as I live in a suburb that is a bit of a magnet for people who need money for things that enrich their life ( so their brains are telling them anyway) and have no way to fund this, other than removing your stuff and exchanging it for cash at a significantly lower exchange rate than when you first purchased it.<br />
<br />
Nowadays with improved security and an increase in the median house value, that propensity has decreased some what. But it doesn't mean they aren't still trying to get to my priceless odd sock collection.<br />
<br />
And after the 3rd time it happens you kinda just fall into a routine - calling the police, the insurance company, the banks etc, but once you have kids it becomes very different. They don't have any experience to fall back on for this new problem.<br />
<br />
This experience is new and terrifying. They figured you would keep them safe. They figured you would shield them from the evils of the world. ( they know it exists, just not in their area )<br />
<br />
So all of a sudden just like I did when it happened to my parents, they realise they have to go through this.<br />
<br />
The last time it happened to us it was a mini home invasion, they picked the front door lock grabbed all the purses and wallets neatly laid out on the sideboard ( see where being organised gets you ! ) with the car keys and my sports gear and none of us (including Captain Incontinence ) were any the wiser.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/de/Sleeping_dog_98a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/de/Sleeping_dog_98a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I still fail to see the point of a guard dog that can not do exactly that, but anyway. We still live in hope that all the running around the back yard barking at the pigeons in the trees is basic training and will one day transform into preemptive 24hr protection.<br />
<br />
If you think that some days your dealings with bureaucracy is difficult - try proving who you are to someone in the government without a single piece of identification. So it went like this - to get a temporary license you need photo ID, but the only photo ID I had was my license I explained to the brick wall.<br />
<br />
The funniest part of the whole thing really came when the beloved came to pick me up from a triathlon in the hire car that resembled a pregnant roller-skate.<br />
I basically had to disassemble my bike, fold all the seats flat, shove all the gear in around that and then make the kids walk home.<br />
<br />
And then after they declared our much loved 4WD a write off due to " Bio Hazards present in vehicle " it's off we go to find a new vehicle to transport the ridiculous amount of things we seem to need to take when we go anywhere. Buying a car is a whole different matter and more than enough for a separate post.<br />
<br />
We went through the whole unpleasant and came out the other side - hopefully - an awful lot wiser.<br />
<br />
And I think the boys now understand that sometimes you might get none of your things back and sometimes you get back someone else's size 12 bikini.<br />
<br />
At least they didn't take my odd socks, so the search for their lost mates continues........<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-6190240593977635532013-07-12T09:56:00.001+10:002013-07-12T09:56:46.690+10:00The Toilet and The male<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
This week I'm going to try and have a serious discussion
about a serious topic. This is for all the blokes and their sons out there who
are probably doing untold damage to their respective mothers and partners ( not
to mention the environs ) with their behaviour.<br />
<br />
Its probably not all intentional, but it is certainly undesirable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I doubt it will remain serious but hey at least I
tried.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I'm talking about the smallest room in the house. I’m talking about
the toilet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The porcelain bus<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The big white phone <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The dunny<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The can<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The head<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The list goes on but you get what I mean. It's the most visited room in the house but the least talked about ( unless someone is complaining about it )<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
With the birth of our Sons the beloved knew that toilet training
was going to be a challenge. Having put up with my mates and their inaccuracy for years she was ready for the difficult road ahead. It seemed to be resolved the day they were handed cleaning clothes and told to clean their own toilet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
What is it with us men and toilets ? Why are
we seemingly so oblivious to the rest of the world and their feelings
?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
It's certainly not a BBQ discussion topic and let’s face it most
of the time it’s just a quick whizz and you're off again. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
But sometimes you've been to dinner and your friend /s have used some bizarre ingredient from the back of the cupboard fridge and quite frankly it's not going to resolve itself quickly or easily.<br />
<br />
And even if we did discuss it it would probably go something like this <i>" I remember once when I was a kid my friend reckoned his Great Grandma said to him once ""Where is the smallest room in the house ? So he told her. 10 minutes later he found her in the pantry with her pants down.</i> Insert roaring laughter here.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
So are there rules ? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Of course - just as there are rules in regards to gym change rooms (
look only at each other in the eye etc.) , there are rules that our spouses
want us to follow<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GVzmI4o5634/UdtOhqumzvI/AAAAAAAAAX4/R9lU1ngzefY/s1600/toiletrules.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GVzmI4o5634/UdtOhqumzvI/AAAAAAAAAX4/R9lU1ngzefY/s200/toiletrules.jpg" width="120" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Don’t look at me like that. You heard me the first time. Your spouse is going to be a whole lot happier
if you follow these simple rules.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
So below is listed the things I'm told to incorporate in to my
life as a male. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
1) Fans – Most bathrooms have them already built in to the light
switch so it goes on when you turn on the light, but if it doesn't turn it on.
No ifs or buts. ( see what I did there)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
2) Sprays – I'm a bit divided here. I mean masking the odours is
fine but no –one wants their house smelling like a blend Tahitian flowers and animal based compost. So use your judgement on this one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
3) Doors – 1 rule here. Close it. Nuff said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
So there you have it. It’s not that difficult now is it ?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Yet it seems to escape most of us. So in the vain hope my boys will one day read this I'll post it here and hope.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br />
Enough said.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-22595779749725467642013-06-06T10:05:00.001+10:002013-06-06T10:05:53.858+10:00I am not just a wallet and a couch<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
As I climb out of bed in the dark and traipse off to the kitchen
to put on the coffee, the house is quiet and I realise this is what it's going
to be like in a few more years. <o:p></o:p>The house is clean. I don't trip over anything and it smells faintly of vanilla.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8190/8114767472_6e6a776086_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8190/8114767472_6e6a776086_z.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy o<span style="background-color: white;">f <span class="irc_ho" style="color: #d6d6d6; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: none;"><a class="irc_hol irc_itl" data-ved="0CAQQjB0" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/mtrevithick/8114767472/" style="color: #1122cc; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-decoration: none;">www.flickr.com</a> </span><span class="irc_ho" style="cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: none;">and Terry Trevithick</span></span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
It's just me and the beloved.<br />
Oh, and that idiot dog
who gets up to go to the toilet more times that an incontinent grandparent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
I'm OK with that , I married her because
quite frankly we never stop chatting and we have always discussed what it will
be like when we retire , what we will do, where we will go - because I think that as parents
we are going find it difficult staying
relevant as the kids get older.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
At least until they need to move back home because they are
building a house or renovating and have nowhere to live. (At which point I will
have to start wearing pants again…..)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
So do they still need me ?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Of course they do - who else is going to pay for the 1.2 kg of Weet bix and 15 litres of milk they go through each week. Not to mention the fact that if I wasn't around
the would run out of clean plates and cutlery in the first day. And don't even start on the clothes portion of their lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
I'm not saying that I'm completely irrelevant
I'm just saying that there’s a new phase
coming and I want to be ready (You know the Beloved, she'll want a backup plan for the back up plan) because emotionally it's going to be tough.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
When I get home each night from work nowadays,
there isn't those two cheeky little grins screaming "daddy's home !" ,
"daddy's home !" and clinging to a leg each as I greet the house, now the only person happy to see me is the dog, and I think that’s because I bring
in the smells of the world with me or at least the vague promise of food.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
I remember back when, once I hit 15 my parents were
the people “so lame” and it wasn't until I was a 20 something that I realised I
really do need them and they weren't just some extra furniture that was handy
to crash on whenever I felt like it. And that was when I really started to have a proper relationship with them, you know each side putting in and getting out equally. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
We have set about the kids next phase of their
life and are starting to make them independent. We can’t wrap them up in cotton
wool ( otherwise they will make terrible husbands and live with us forever)
they have to learn how to be functioning members of planet earth. We know this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
But it’s happening just so damm fast. They cab catch trams , make lunch and even breakfast. ( none of this gets done without <strike>intimidation</strike> effort and prompting and guiding.) But anyway they seem to be grasping some concepts.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
So I guess for the time being I'll just focus on keeping my expectations low and focus on being there when they need me.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I was at a Rugby match to watch the Eldest and I swear to you the u/15’s team were still finishing shaving whilst getting out of the
cars they had driven to the ground – They look like grown men.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.albany.edu/~albrfc/bull1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="131" src="http://www.albany.edu/~albrfc/bull1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <a class="irc_hol irc_itl" data-ved="0CAQQjB0" href="http://www.albany.edu/~albrfc/cdyr.html" style="background-color: #222222; color: #1122cc; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-decoration: none;"><span class="irc_ho" style="color: #d6d6d6; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px;">www.albany.edu</span></a></span></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I point out to the Beloved that this what we have to look forward
to and we share a little wistful glance at our youngest son playing under a tree.<br />
While the rest of the world sees a boy poking a dead pigeon with a stick to see what will happen - we see a little boy still curious about the world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Tomorrow morning he can have 3 Weet Bix instead of the 6 he
normally has, maybe that will slow things down a bit……..</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-67461015407484944152013-04-25T11:49:00.000+10:002013-04-25T11:49:09.540+10:00Family death matchI reach out full stretch.<br />
<br />
Nothing , its all just air.<br />
<br />
Then as fast as conventional physics teaches us, the earth is in my face and catching my hip with all the grace of a hippopotamus falling off a skateboard.<br />
<br />
I lie there - the dust swirls gently in the fading sunlight and the sweat trickles off my face mingling with the dirt making little tiny mud puddles. Both of these things are useful in hiding my tears at yet another loss.<br />
<br />
At the other end the victor stands, defiant. The Beloved has won.<br />
<br />
Another family death match has been decided.<br />
<br />
I get up and dust my self off, get a beer and sit down to wait for the pain in my hip to subside. The boys are still laughing.<br />
<br />
The eldest declares " time for me to whoop your butt little man" and with that it's on. Our match is forgotten and the the two boys are at once locked in a similarly intense battle.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTzbsiaML1fohdK94ZO9a6Japuh99SC0yuRJXOuzTKaciSWqvQa" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTzbsiaML1fohdK94ZO9a6Japuh99SC0yuRJXOuzTKaciSWqvQa" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
The volley ball set we got for Christmas ( the above matches ) really is just part of the long running competitions we are constantly engaged in. We don't mind too much what it is - just that they have to be able to be competitive for all of us , so weight lifting or formula 1 racing are out.<br />
<br />
( I am thinking though, we should get a clay target set and some shotguns for next years summer games and only because The Beloved banned bare knuckle boxing after I dislocated a finger and the youngest went to school with a massive bruise in the middle of his forehead.)<br />
<br />
I like the fact that we are competitive. I try and teach the boys that life is like that it's a competition. Not all the time, but lets face it -<br />
<br />
You compete for school results<br />
You compete for a Uni place<br />
You compete for a job and your promotions<br />
You compete for all sorts of things<br />
<br />
So you need to know how to compete. There are rules.<br />
<br />
There are consequences if you act badly during competition.<br />
That's where the fine line and the parental boundaries come in. Time and time again I see parents acting badly during their child's sporting activities and I caution both boys about what is acceptable during sport or indeed any competition - win or lose.<br />
<br />
But family death match is different. Anything goes, because sometimes breaking the rules and watching it all burn down is just so much fun.<br />
<br />
I still remember the stare and the long silence punctuated by further glaring after, because during a very close game of golf The Beloved was in front of a bunker with a short pitch shot to get on to the green.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTfi9_DmxAYe31zkfeajl_Hgtd2hSUyThHhSlZP0csBVbdrPs3m1A" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTfi9_DmxAYe31zkfeajl_Hgtd2hSUyThHhSlZP0csBVbdrPs3m1A" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: xx-small; text-align: center;"> image courtesy of </span><a class="irc_hol irc_itl" data-ved="0CAQQjB0" href="http://www.intotherough.co.uk/golf-features/the-hardest-golf-holes-in-the-world/" style="background-color: #222222; color: #1122cc; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap;"><span class="irc_ho" style="color: white; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px; text-decoration: underline;">www.intotherough.co.uk</span></a><br />
<br />
Being only 1 shot behind, I thought ooohhhh that's an easy shot , how funny would it be to say<br />
<br />
" Tough shot , don't choke".<br />
<br />
Except that instead of saying it in my head I said it kinda out loud. So instead of easily making the shot and wining - the ball hit the bunker and it took another two shots to get out, and the lead was surrendered.<br />
<br />
I still have a cute little scar on my knee from her putter.<br />
<br />
So as I watch the boys go about their weekend sports I am filled with a sense of impending doom. With their bodies slowly lengthening and muscles filling out, it seems inevitable that <strike>our</strike> my reign at the top of the family death match table will all too soon be over.<br />
<br />
Think I'll buy a croquet set next, after all it's only a game - right ?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-69822593624891271692013-03-07T12:48:00.003+11:002013-03-07T12:48:59.716+11:00Tactics and teenagersThis episode is bought to you by the letter T and the number 6<br />
<br />
Ever wondered how some parents seem to be able to get there kids to do things and others just seem to be constantly yelling at their kids ( and each other) ?<br />
<br />
Picture this - two meth addict parents with a 3 year old in a stroller are at a major intersection waiting to cross. There are probably 15 other people waiting to cross this road as well. The lights change but the pedestrian lights do not and everybody is forced to wait another set of lights change until the green man is presented and they can all cross.<br />
<br />
The mother proceeds to yell at the father all the way across the lights about how "All these fu#@%ers didn't bother to fu@$#en push the fu*%^ button to cross the fu*+!@ lights".<br />
"They were fu%$#en standing there the whole fu&#$%en time and not one of them fu*&^%en tried.<br />
<br />
The father is trailing behind her and is profusely apologising the whole time. They disappear down the road with her still swearing that this is the problem with the world today.<br />
<br />
I tell you this story because I didn't stop laughing for about a day and in fact I still laugh about it. The child in the stroller , with her head rotating furiously from side to side in an effort to see her parents arguing behind her was learning.<br />
<br />
She was learning tactics for getting by in the world. Now, you and I both know they are entirely wrong but that's what I'm getting at.<br />
<br />
I have found that if you just yell at or nag or berate your child to do something then you are probably either not going to get it done or just end up with a resentful situation.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/720th_Special_Tactics_Group_airmen_jump_20071003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/720th_Special_Tactics_Group_airmen_jump_20071003.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <a class="irc_itl" data-ved="0CAQQjB0" href="https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&docid=j2IK5NqOIwB9CM&tbnid=WPjlFPwoW78beM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fde.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FDatei%3A720th_Special_Tactics_Group_airmen_jump_20071003.jpg&ei=qCctUYHOG8PxmAWSk4CoBw&bvm=bv.42965579,d.dGY&psig=AFQjCNFFxflqwqLZaqsrHhdFvWYPsVEfOQ&ust=1362000036064898" id="irc_hol" style="background-color: #222222; color: #1122cc; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-decoration: initial; white-space: nowrap;"><span id="irc_ho" style="color: #d6d6d6; margin-right: -2px; padding-right: 2px;">de.wikipedia.org</span></a></span></div>
<br />
Tactics are becoming increasingly important in our lives as well , with a teenager (added hormones included ) and a potential teenager lurking behind him - just watching the interactions.<br />
<br />
No longer do mindless incentives work<br />
<br />
Pleading does not work<br />
<br />
Berating does not work<br />
<br />
If / then statements do not always work<br />
<br />
However parental unity is still working ( I think this is a fundamental underpin of the universe , so I'm confident it won't change any time soon). As long as we both stay firm with the decisions the desired result is achieved.<br />
<br />
I'm finding we have to get to the solution and make him feel good about himself that the choice is right and he was involved in the trip to get there.<br />
<br />
It's delicate as the pressure from being in Year 7 has quadrupled from Year 6 and it's a jungle out there. New kids in the class along with all the other kids jockeying for position. Getting around a larger school area and all of a sudden timing is important as well as having all the right books and equipment.<br />
<br />
So no matter how much you prep your child for senior school sometimes the shock of the vastness of the whole thing can be just overwhelming<br />
<br />
But we won't tiptoe around it , he has to learn that sometimes no matter what - you have to push on as I don't want him to be afraid of a challenge and I don't want him to grow up risk averse. i.e. if it's too hard or someone tells you its too difficult they give up with out even attempting.<br />
<br />
<br />
It's the same way we let him let him do what some parents would class as dangerous now days like catching public transport by himself.<br />
<br />
Just as you're tired from school / sport it is the same as if you're at work and tired, there are deadlines and expectations.<br />
<br />
This of course can be dangerous - its kinda like balancing a hand-grenade on a knife- you know its going to go off you just don't know which direction and when. Especially if you're tired or not 100% focussed on what you doing with them at the time.<br />
<br />
And as tempting as it is to tell them how everything will end up or what will happen when the do something you know that you can tell them until they're blue in the face but until they learn themselves.<br />
<br />
On the flip side we have learned that you can, with some degree of success, put 2 minute noodles in a bagel and eat it.<br />
<br />
So where do the letter T and the number 6 come in ?<br />
<br />
T is for tactics, get them right and you on a winner.<br />
<br />
The number 6 is the current number of times you have to ask to get him to brush his teeth and put deodorant on.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-72561157116289960992013-01-28T12:05:00.001+11:002013-01-29T11:50:15.318+11:00The not at all accidental touristI can't undo the lid. It's stuck. Has it really been that long ? Finally with an exerted twist the lid comes of the deodorant and with a determined push on the roller I can finally use it.<br />
<br />
The holiday is over.<br />
<br />
Just like that as soon as it started it seemed to end.<br />
<br />
And instead of just posting pictures and comments on activities completed, this time we will critically examine "the Tourist"<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">shake-speares-bible.com</span></span></div>
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Lets start with the driving tourist, their behavior during the holiday is incredible. Why people drive stupidly and do things that during the working week they would never contemplate is beyond me.<br />
<br />
- speeding up in the overtaking sections so no one over takes them and then slow back down to 85kph once its back to single lanes<br />
- overtaking in a zone that is beyond dangerous on roads they are not familiar with<br />
<br />
You can see the driving holiday tourists everywhere, they are the ones that regardless of the weather their determination to do as much as possible is matched only by their determination to push you out of the way to get then best photo.<br />
<br />
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Some other more amusing things we noted :<br />
<br />
- You should not get your son to go for a run if you are only going
to follow him in the car with the dog hanging out the window<o:p></o:p></div>
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- I still don’t know how you can run and chew gum at the same time without choking to death on the first hill<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
- The attitude of small business owners in small towns ranging from the over friendly to the” I prefer it when there are no people around “<br />
<br />
and yes I will charge $1.77 for a litre of petrol because you actually need it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
I was however delighted to see that the speed which kids form new
relationships hasn't waned as they grow older. That's one thing I hope the guys never grow out of.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I did note after arriving home from a Farmers market one Sunday morning that once again I had fallen for the "try this it's great - you'll love it" and bought another unusual sauce which will spend the the
next 3 years in the cupboard right next to the exotic stir fry oil.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I also realised I was not going to get as much of that stick peperoni I bought as I discover the kids hacking off large
chunks 10 minutes after it arrived home. But at least their palates are going to be expanded.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as the holiday drew to an end and we all shared our favorite moments, we did discover an interesting fact - that you can deliver bad news to anyone if
straight after you burst into the<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg" target="_blank"> Benny Hill theme.</a><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Go on try it....<br />
<br />
Sorry sir you have Hydrophobia - da da da dadada na nana etc......</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-41964728608651344992013-01-05T14:20:00.000+11:002013-01-05T14:44:10.912+11:00And at the end of 2012 time for thanks<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s Boxing Day 2012 and I am sitting in the sun just
enjoying the day. We left early for our summer holiday and I have not regretted
a thing. The only people on the road were us and the highway patrol looking
bored. I felt like stopping each time we saw them and doing a breath test and
other checks for them so they </span>weren't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> so bored. Mind you over the next couple
of weeks they will be sorely tested by people not concentrating and just
thinking in general “it won’t happen to me”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I however have now
survived <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">42 Christmases as a human being<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">15 Christmases as a husband <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">and 12 Christmases as a Dad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have cherished every one of them including the time when I
was ten and my parents bought me a Kiss - Gene Simmons doll complete with high
heel boots. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Christmas can be a difficult time for everybody. Firstly
with all the political correctness gone mad do you even say Merry Christmas any
more or is it Happy Holidays ? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Personally I like “ Happy Thank Goodness we made it through
another year”. But that’s just me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Secondly what is with the mad rush to all of a sudden catch
up with people you haven’t seen all year ? If you </span>didn't<span style="font-family: inherit;"> get to visiting them during the
year then they can’t be much of a priority then can they - so why all of a
sudden at Christmas ? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Any way every Christmas you get to spend with the people you
love is always a good thing because the alternative is crap.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> As I think back about
2012 I always ask the one question that defines my actions – if I had the time
over, would I do anything differently ? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Probably not. I might say to The Eldest – hey watch out
today you’ll probably fall of the playground and break your arm but that’s
about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The year ahead looks full of promise with The Eldest going
into senior school and beginning the journey towa</span><span style="display: none; mso-hide: all;">eldest going into senior school and beggining </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">rds becoming
a man and hopefully a productive member of society. The youngest has his </span>favorite<span style="font-family: inherit;"> teacher back so for once he is looking forward to school. He does
still tend to over worry about things (which he gets from me) but I think we
can work through that one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My health kick has survived the roll over from 2012 and the
5</span><sup style="font-family: inherit;">th</sup><span style="font-family: inherit;"> buckle hole on my belt is now </span>tantalizingly<span style="font-family: inherit;"> close so I am
spurred on to continue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And I have a lot to give thanks for heading into this new
year – especially you my loyal readers, who throughout the year have helped
motivate me and constantly supported my sometimes odd post timings, without you there would be no blog, so from the
bottom of my heart a huge <b><span style="font-size: large;">Thank you</span></b> to you all and Happy 2013 !<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-36217804461712697742012-12-11T10:00:00.000+11:002012-12-11T10:00:01.177+11:00Am I ready ? I mean really ready ?As they all march on to the thin stage the spotlights make some of the boys blink and squint out in to the audience to try and see better / someone they know. They shuffle awkwardly and itch at inappropriate places, their bodies caught in that time that's almost changing them into teenagers but leaving their minds still filled with wild imagination fueled fun.<br />
They literally have attention spans that can only be measured by the sorts of equipment required to build the Large Hadron Collider.<br />
<br />
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<br />
As they describe their experiences, in getting to this glorious point, I try hard not to allow my brain to take me back to the same era - Grade 6.<br />
The eldest is going though the last remaining days of Primary School and there is lots of pomp and ceremony interspersed with good advice and re-assurances that support is around, you just have to ask.<br />
<br />
Whom to ask and about what is not quite apparent - but you get the idea.<br />
<br />
School is not an easy place, its supposed to be the safest place to become correctly prepared for the world at large. Each child is raised carefully by a combination of the school and the parents with both complimenting each other.<br />
<br />
Well that's the theory anyway.<br />
<br />
I'm the last person to be preaching this, I was a terrible student. There are things I did at school that still can not be told in public because once it gets out or on the Internet it will get out of hand. I did not fulfill the true definition of school until much later in life.<br />
<br />
But now that the eldest has completed junior school he apparently is ready for the next set of challenges.<br />
<br />
What about his parents are they ready ?<br />
<br />
When they are babies you look at them without worrying about future problems - that will all come later. When they are babies their needs are simple (well that's how I choose to remember it)<br />
<br />
Feeding - Burping - Cleaning up vomit - you get the idea.<br />
<br />
The problems are solvable, Do we have enough nappies ? Do we have the house quiet enough for them to sleep ? Is it the middle of the night and do they need comforting ? Is the food in the baby or on the floor and wall ?<br />
<br />
See ! All solvable.<br />
<br />
Now that he's a teenager it changes. I mean - I hope he can clean up his own vomit but that's the least of my worries.<br />
<br />
Have I kept up with the latest trends ? Do I even know what's cool right now ?<br />
<br />
Do I have a computer / console that will play the latest games? nothing worse than having old technology apparently. And the fact that he has to share it with the rest of us constantly stuns him.<br />
<br />
Have I or the beloved ensured he leaves the house dressed at least semi decently ? No Son that tracksuit and top are not OK you look homeless. You have a wardrobe full of nice clothes , go and try again.<br />
<br />
And no you can not eat last nights pasta/rice for breakfast (well not in front of your mother). You have to have a decent breakfast.<br />
<br />
All these problems get easier to solve once you have seen them a few times but then - Unexpected ones arise as if he has decided the game is too repetitive and needs new boundaries.<br />
It's like getting up in the middle of the night - You know you are going to stub your toe , you just don't know when or on what.<br />
<br />
So as they all march off the stage, their certificate grasped in their fists, I hope their parents are ready.....<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-82837382473426944192012-11-16T13:28:00.001+11:002012-11-16T13:34:20.632+11:00Family functions and timeThe table is large and round and the guest are seated closely together, they prod at their meals nervously with chopsticks looking at the contents wondering if they have eaten them before.<br />
The host laughs loudly and they all sort of laugh, they seem to know each other but at the same time it's just a little uncomfortable.<br />
The owner of the restaurant chuckles when I ask him about the table. It seems it's the hosts birthday and they come here each year. This casts me back to our family functions. We did something very similar - Always went to the same Chinese restaurant for birthdays, mothers day and fathers day.<br />
<br />
It really became like a ritual. A big table for the adults and a little table for the kids. Sometimes good conversations and sometimes it all got a bit difficult.<br />
<br />
The other holidays were shared around, everyone took it in turns to have Christmas day lunch / dinner and we all would traipse off to our relatives house to spend the day hanging out and catching up. The cooking was mainly done by the host family but everyone pitched in bringing something.<br />
<br />
There would be the obligatory cricket match on the road, interrupted by the yell of " Car" to which the stumps would come of with the rest of the kids on to the nature strip until the car had passed and the game could resume.<br />
<br />
Lunch would be served and cleared leaving the parents to lapse into afternoon naps or sometimes discussions over a further bottle of wine. The house would then spring back in to life after 5pm and another meal of cold meats and salads would be served along with presents (and more wine). Everyone would leave vowing to catch up " more than just at Christmas".<br />
<br />
Gradually I noticed less family showing up as the kids got older. Boyfriends and Girlfriends came along engagements and weddings happened and the dreaded "split day" discussion would be raised.<br />
<br />
This involved both sides of the relationship agreeing on where they would go for the day time meal and the night time meal.<br />
<br />
That being said. You absolutely can not invoke <a href="http://dadonthemove.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/its-real-syndrome-you-know-you-can.html" target="_blank">Social commitment remorse for any family function</a>. It's not allowed. Family functions in my house were compulsory - everybody showed up.<br />
<br />
We teach both our kids the same. You plan out the day/event like you're invading another country - take plenty of supplies and be prepared for absolutely anything.<br />
<br />
I'll still never forget showing up for a lunch (Sunday) and the meal consisted of a roast chicken, potatoes and peas.<br />
<br />
For 6 adults and two children. Talk about portion control.<br />
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">marcwellness.com</span></span></div>
<br />
And The Beloved and I once went to a wedding way up in the Yarra Valley and then after the ceremony drove two hours back to get to a 40th Birthday of a cousin.<br />
<br />
In the same day.<br />
<br />
Thank goodness I don't drive.<br />
<br />
But what ever the case you attend, pay homage and leave. (After an appropriately waited time) and if you're there too long - Don't worry there is always one relative trying to wrap the party up and shoo you out by cleaning up and trying to finish off every one's conversations.<br />
<br />
Recently parties have become a little more broader and started to include past friends. I would say mainly because the milestones are getting bigger - 40th, 50th and even 70th's have started to pop up.<br />
<br />
I do so love people re introducing themselves to me as if I am some sort of altizimers patient - " I'm <insert name>, and when you were little " <insert hand / height gesture here> " I would ...."<br />
<br />
I know who you are. You were the Mum who I one day hoped to marry someone just like you or the person who treated me like an adult when everyone else would see me as a child.<br />
<br />
You were the Dad that hosted sleepovers and lied to the neighbours that the boys would never do something as stupid as throw wads of burning newspaper over their fence.<br />
<br />
So I smile and chat, with all the memories flooding back and hope that this many people will show up when I hit these milestones. Because these are/will be the people that have and will have shaped who I am<br />
<br />
And I want them to know that that means a lot.<br />
<br />
But I'll tell you one thing for sure - you will get a decent feed.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-68777617446014311632012-10-26T11:05:00.000+11:002012-10-26T11:08:37.185+11:00This Pool Water tastes different.....I can dimly see my family through a dirty Perspex window. A calm voice counts down 3, 2, 1 and my whole world goes light then dark and then light again. I have no idea which way is up and when I screech to a halt in 2 feet of water I now know what projectile vomit feels like.<br />
<br />
So why am I here with a spinal board style piece of plastic strapped to my body and why did I mortgage my house to experience this ?<br />
<br />
Yep ...... School holidays.<br />
<br />
That glorious time when we attempt to spend time together without :<br />
<br />
a) Killing each other<br />
b) <a href="http://dadonthemove.blogspot.com.au/2011/12/school-holidays-are-expensive.html" target="_blank">Having to re-mortgage the house </a><br />
<br />
So as per standard family rules, we try at least once a year to go to a place where we have not been before and try something we have never tried before.<br />
<br />
This time we headed off to a small coastal town near the border of New South Wales and Queensland. Its perfect. Stunning views and a gorgeous lagoon pool, that has a day time water temperature of 8 degrees, which turns out to be fine because we're from Melbourne and once the outside temperature rises above 12 degrees we pretty much strip off and start running around naked.<br />
<br />
The kids had decided that as we were near the Gold Coast (over 60km away) we should go to the theme parks. The Beloved said - only two as they're pretty pricey. So water slides and the opportunity to get our bathers wedged up our backsides it was.<br />
<br />
So off we headed to the water parks. The entry fees has set us back well over what Rupert Murdoch earns in an hour and if the line to get in is any indication there is a lot more lining up to come.<br />
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We pay for a locker (cash only of course) and dutifully line up for each ride. The wait time can be expressed as the following :<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Wait Time = Length of Ride x Excitement</i></div>
<br />
In other words you are going to line up a lot. Some rides are better than others.<br />
<br />
After all that excitement off to the wave pool we go. As I am standing in the calm waters (they only turn the waves on every 10 minutes or so ) a thought occurs to me exactly how much snot would be in these things ?<br />
<br />
As I sit there thinking this the waves start up I get I get knocked over and manage to gulp several mouthfuls of the pool water which seems to consist of children's pee diluted with a splash of water.<br />
<br />
Now it's time to eat. It's important to note you can take your own food into these parks, just not commercially prepared food, which, as we are on holidays is really all we have access to.<br />
<br />
This means we have to buy it inside. So again we line up.<br />
<br />
What genius came up with the idea of 3 nuggets, <span style="font-size: x-small;">(notice I </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">didn't</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> specify what what type of meat was in the nuggets, </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">that's</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">because</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> it's </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">completely</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> indeterminable) </span>a handful of fries, a coke and and a Krispy Kreme doughnut and said "that's a lunch pack!" ?<br />
<br />
And then what led them to the conclusion that we would pay $16.99 for this equivalent of 5 Big Mac's worth of calories and then feed it to an already over stimulated child ?<br />
<br />
And as if that's not enough, don't even try to think about the volumes of sugar in the food sold , including a three foot plastic tube of frozen sugar proudly bought to you by your friends at Coca Cola (which of course can be refilled at a marginally lower price that what you originally paid.)<br />
<br />
So as the afternoon draws on and I try to digest my "lunch" I begin people watching (when your stuck in a line on a stairwell 20 feet off the ground there's not much else to do). I notice a couple having a pretty intense discussion.<br />
I hear him say " I just can't take it anymore" she is crying. He walks off - she looks lost.<br />
<br />
Oh shit - they're breaking up ! Who breaks up with someone in a theme park ? That's like going to Disney Land and walking in the gate and walking out straight away because it looks boring. You just don't do that.<br />
<br />
I mean sure - if you are coming down off a sugar high after one of those frozen coke tubes , maybe you could be a bit irrational, but breaking up ?<br />
<br />
So as the afternoon ticks on towards closing time and people start to realize the stinging pain of the parts of their bodies they missed when putting on sunscreen in the morning, it's time to go. The obligatory traipse through the gift shop is mercifully painless and we make our way through the car park the size of the Northern Territory towards the car.<br />
<br />
As the palm trees along the highway whiz by, the kids are asleep with huge smiles still on their faces, so it all seems worth it.<br />
<br />
I think next year we should go somewhere less crowded.<br />
<br />
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<br />
and hopefully nobody is breaking up while I'm there.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-12786051721786719592012-09-28T15:00:00.002+10:002012-10-01T08:00:52.013+10:00Motivating almost a teenager.....It's a bight sunny day and I look out at the yard knowing it needs a clean and and a tidy to bring it back to its inner city shoe box sized courtyard best. I grab the broom and begin sweeping, but as usual my mind wanders to other things we could be doing. I look back through the window to the boys buried deep in computers and iPods.<br />
<br />
What I really want them to have is the motivation to get them off the couch and from behind their technology.<br />
<br />
It seems like only yesterday that I look down at his little hand tugging at mine and his pleading cries :<br />
<br />
"Come on Dad lets go to the park !"<br />
<br />
"Come on Dad lets chase those bloody fat pigeons out of the yard !"<br />
<br />
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<br />
Now they hide from me. In the couch or around the house because they know I want to go out. Having pre-teenagers certainly is different from toddlers. Gone is the enthusiasm for exploring the world. Gone is insatiable appetite for destruction.<br />
<br />
I mean who hasnt' gone into another room to do something and come back to find a kitchen cupboard completely unpacked on to the floor by an ever smiling toddler.<br />
<br />
I really want to keep going out and do things together.<br />
<br />
Problem is I probably make them feel awkward, kids nowadays don't really want to be seem with their parents I guess.<br />
<br />
And it was different when I was kid, both my parents worked full time so we were forced to do somethings by ourselves. But thanks to random unrelated "bad things" that happened to children, the media made us terrified of letting the kids do the same stuff we did. By the time the beloved was 13 she was catching a train from Mt Waverley to Hawthorn each day by herself.<br />
<br />
Now days you would probably get reported for letting that happen. But I'm telling you we have to get them used to doing things for themselves.<br />
<br />
I keep banging on about we have to get the kids to make decisions every day so they don't get to their first party - get offered drugs and not know how to give the correct response with out losing face in front of their peers.<br />
<br />
*steps off soap box*<br />
<br />
Anyway if I can get them convinced to come out side with me, it always goes well. Once they get out and start the activity you can't wipe the smile off their faces. I still remember begging, cajoling , pleading to go for a ride with the Eldest. Finally we head off and bugger me if after not more than 30 secs of riding he is whistling and smiling like he's just discovered the greatest thing ever.<br />
<br />
After 10 minutes he proclaims " Wow I have no idea why I didn't want to come for a ride I'm having such a great time"<br />
<br />
I almost fell off my bike.<br />
<br />
So I finish sweeping and firmly step inside to get everyone ready for some time in the park. The living room is deserted. It seems they can read my mind........Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-36506472234595574622012-09-13T08:58:00.000+10:002012-09-13T08:58:49.885+10:00Not Safe For ChildrenI need a filter. Maybe even a seven second delay button just like the one they use on radio. Just enough for someone to hit the dump button as I say something that whilst probably true or correct should not be spoken aloud in front of the current audience.<br />
<br />
I'm like the Internet ask me something and I'll tell you and whilst it may not be totally accurate or quite what you expected, I'm going to tell you anyway, some times with out even pausing to think about who is standing nearby or listening.<br />
<br />
I don't do it to be annoying or even just to see what the reaction will be. I just believe that, if you ask me I'll tell you. Especially if the little dudes ask. I don't want them subjected to the same urban legends that went around when I was a kid.<br />
<br />
You know the ones - McDonald's thick shakes are really rendered pig fat or Mentos and Coke mixed in your stomach will kill you.<br />
<br />
Or that kids going down water-slides used to stick pieces of razor blade to the slide with chewing gum for the next person coming down.<br />
<br />
The best part about my two dudes is they are fanatical about MythBusters so they are pretty switched on anyway.<br />
<br />
I can't stand the fact that people dress things up or try and soften it up for kids. They are people and deserve our respect. Plus I'd rather set 'em straight than have someone at school with an older brother or sister tell them in a Chinese whisper fashion. Within reason of course.<br />
<br />
One of the challenges I have is that I have an opinion on everything, I love market researchers when they call. Mainly because <u>I will</u> take their call and discuss with them my opinion. So I tend to enjoy reading a lot and by default gather all sorts of facts and snippets and file them away for a rainy day.<br />
<br />
The beloved even once bought a T-Shirt for me just like this.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
So as you can now begin to see that it will all start out with a conversation innocently enough but some how ends up in a place we shouldn't be. I'm not trying to start trouble here but just set the boys straight.<br />
<br />
I humbly submit the following as an example :<br />
<br />
So the eldest is trying to be cool and throws the word porn into a sentence. So I stop and I say to him. "Don't say that"<br />
Any way I go on " Porn is just like films, it isn't really real . They are all actors and are paid "<br />
<br />
Now of course I should have stopped there.<br />
<br />
Should have.<br />
<br />
But didn't.<br />
<br />
I went on "Yeah you know, they have make up, lighting experts, camera experts etc. Just like films. And they have to wax you know".<br />
<br />
My brain catches up .02 milliseconds later.<br />
<br />
The silence is deafening. He then gets look on his face that belies that blinding realisation where they wax. I yell at the youngest " Go upstairs now !" He scuttles out. The Beloveds head is buried deep in her hands. It takes another 3 minutes to extricate my self from the conversation and get it back on an even keel.<br />
<br />
I eat the remainder of my dinner in silence.<br />
<br />
All I was trying to do was set him straight. That what he thinks it is is actually not true. People don't behave like that in relationships.<br />
And somehow ended up way past the point I was making.<br />
<br />
Now I know why the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intention" is apt.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-85692028681027291232012-08-31T09:27:00.002+10:002012-08-31T09:29:40.054+10:00It's fine he's 9 ish.....This reminds me of the old days that seem so far away. Helping calm crying babies. Staying out of the way of crying babies, you get the picture.<br />
<br />
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I'm lucky. My kids are old enough now to :<br />
<br />
1) get their own breakfast<br />
2) not require round the clock <strike>surveillance</strike> attention.<br />
<strike>3) manipulate</strike> articulate what they want<br />
<br />
On the flip side they're old enough to probably burn down the house with a wayward piece of toast.<br />
<br />
Anyway after recently attending an adolescent talk provided by the school, delivered to ensure we are appropriately terrified of the oldest sons future behaviours, I was fondly remembering all the fun we had when he was younger. Don't get me wrong he's still fun but just punctuated with random bouts of surly teenagerness (yes that is a word). It's like a little peek into what's ahead.<br />
<br />
And I still have the little one ( 9 yrs old trying to be 12) and thankfully he still needs me for all sorts of things. I did however notice that I kinda just do things for the little guy as if in some vain hope that he will just be always this way.<br />
<br />
Whilst I'm supposed to be assisting him to begin to make decisions for himself, I'm just having trouble letting go right now.<br />
<br />
So I'm off to tie his shoes laces and make sure his lunch is packed, because he is only 9 ish and he needs his Dad.<br />
<br />
And no amount of comments will dissuade me otherwise.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-69884218364224783212012-08-25T07:20:00.001+10:002012-08-25T07:20:33.339+10:00The Etiquette of staying at someone else's houseAs I walk home past the park full of children football playing in the twilight I am reminded that it will soon be Spring and that brings about the prospect of holidays. As an evangelical proponent of family holidays and driving holidays for that matter, it's inevitable that you are going to have to stay at some point in someone else's home. After all travelling and not visiting any friends in the area would be a little rude, not to mention embarrassing if they find out. (And yes we found out )<br />
<br />
Having been on both sides of this delicate coin I can tell you it can go wrong really quickly and really spectacularly. So to avoid this we have developed a couple of strategies.<br />
<br />
Staying at someone else's houses really requires a bit of chameleon like behaviours from everyone as you are going to need to assimilate yourselves in to someone else's routines. Not to mention the acceptance of their idiosyncrasies.<br />
<br />
The first thing to do before arriving is shopping. No - not for shoes or clean underwear, they should already be packed. You need to bring food.<br />
<br />
In saying that showing up with 36 eggs and 2 kgs of bacon may be interpreted as "We're concerned about what you are going to serve us for the rest of the day so were filing up early."<br />
<br />
Its also not a great idea to request meals other than the one being prepared. It's not a restaurant eat it or don't eat it, I don't care. I'm not meaning to sound rude about it but if you're on holidays the last thing you need is to spend hours in the kitchen.<br />
<br />
And no I am not separating the components of stew to only the bits you like, so don't bother asking.<br />
<br />
As good a cook as you are , you should only intervene in cooking if the dish/meal is in real danger - of catching on fire.<br />
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<br />
And of course the golden rule - never touch another mans barbecue unless invited. Even if he severs part of his arm during the cooking - wait until invited as he may choose to cook on through.<br />
<br />
In regards to sleeping arrangements, be prepared is my motto for this. When people stay with us we have spare mattresses everywhere, but not everyone has this or the space to accommodate them.<br />
I never have laughed so much at the kids starting out on a nice inflated bed only to wake up in the morning as part of a giant blue child sandwich.<br />
<br />
If you have a favourite pillow or have paid more than $10 for the pillow you currently use, by all means take it along.<br />
<br />
Cleaning again is something that you should only help where you can. Unless you have the wording of a career diplomat I would avoid telling someone you are going to mop the floors as this may just come across as a criticism of their current living conditions.<br />
<br />
That being said if you have just finished a meal with children and there is more food on the floor than the table it may be OK. Unless they have a dog or a baby- both of which are viable alternatives to vacuum cleaners.<br />
<br />
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<br />
One of the odd things we noticed has been our/other children travelling in kids travelling in someone else's car to destinations. Nothing is quite as odd as children deciding which car they are going to drive in. This is made all the more amusing when they choose a couple without children. And by amusing I mean for the couple as the children divulge all manner of private conversations about you and your daily routines.<br />
<br />
I'm now almost home and the evening sky has started to show some stars and the smell of dinners cooking is creeping around the quietly parked cars. I know that for the time being, I wont have to adjust my routine and that - for the moment - is just the way I like it.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-57396191603480672012-08-10T13:48:00.000+10:002012-08-10T13:48:09.920+10:00People take Football very seriouslyI watch the cameras being tested and focused, the camera men making sure all the angles can be covered and nothing missed.<br />
I watch the coaches and assistant coaches with magnetic boards in deep discussion with football managers and other support staff on final player positions.<br />
I watch intently as the players complete there drills and warm ups and move into their final huddle before the game.<br />
<br />
These are all the things that we love about AFL football. That pre-game excitement.<br />
<br />
Then - the bell goes and the ball is bounced.<br />
<br />
What ? What do you mean it's a siren and not a bell ?<br />
<br />
You know I'm talking about under 9's footy right ?<br />
<br />
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</span>Confused ?<br />
<br />
And all of those things described above actually happened. Not from our team of course.<br />
<br />
Picture this, there's a coffee gently warning my right hand and my jacket is clutched firmly in my left as I look out over the field. It's Sunday morning and time for footy. The Youngest and his team are peppering the goals with footballs and the parents are chatting away on the sidelines.<br />
<br />
Yet the opposition team seem to have an entire support team to rival any AFL teams, busily preparing for the match.<br />
<br />
But I digress. Watching these kids play is great because -<br />
<br />
a) They're outside and in running around in what Melbourne mostly passes as fresh air.<br />
b) They're playing a team sport which is forcing them to work together to get an outcome.<br />
<br />
I can not ask for any more. Well I can, I need decent coffee. But as Grandpa on the Go always said - "if you want it done right then you're probably going to have to do it yourself. So I now make my own coffee in a <strike>travel </strike> sippee cup.<br />
<br />
The Youngest has been put in the mid field which seems to mean anywhere on the ground the ball is. It also seems to mean go where ever all the wettest and stickiest mud is and tackle people there.<br />
He does well, except for a couple of moments where he skips around a bit looking like he is having way to much fun.<br />
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</span>I'd say the opposition will have to edit that bit out of their very serious post match review, before the other kids find out.<br />
<br />
Anyway despite being a few men short and facing a difficult slope in the ground away from the goals they notch up a win.<br />
<br />
They march off the ground arms around each other singing the club song at the same decibel level of air-planes taking off, smiles wider than the grand canyon.<br />
<br />
There is a post match game discussion which seems to be more about giving out chocolates and footy cards than the serious business of post match dissection. But everyone gets praised and all achievements are duly noted - including The Youngest attempting to ride the full back like a donkey head first in to the ground.<br />
<br />
We wrap him up in a towel and off we go home.<br />
<br />
And next Sunday I'll do it all again, because after all this is bloody serious you know.........Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-81068958806743327162012-08-03T14:15:00.000+10:002012-08-03T14:15:21.207+10:00Toilet roulette and road tripsWe all know how fond of road trips I am. I see them as the last great travel method (apart from trains which I love). When I think about the road trips I've taken I always have a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, there are portions of these trips I am sure that my brain has deliberately suppressed- the mind numbing stretches of straight road and more recently the kids niggling each other as we get close to the 10 minute concentration span they currently possess. So we have developed different ways to pass the time in the car to ensure my blood pressure stays at a reasonable level.<br />
<br />
Before I do that lets picture this : Grand Pa on the Go and the family driving through The Death Valley into Nevada and to keep us entertained ( there were no radio stations) constantly re playing Sesame Street cassette tapes that we could sing along to.<br />
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All 9 of them. Over and Over. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwKfpOp38qc" target="_blank">Here's an updated version of one of these little treasure</a>s<br />
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How my parents stayed sane still mystifies me to this day. I see this as the true definition of hard core parenting.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">freefoto.com</span></span></div>
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If you wish to avoid this and are not interested in an in-car DVD's (or hard core parenting ) you need car games. Here's just two that we use :<br />
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The test of Patience - See how many games of eye spy you can play before you lose it completely.<br />
The Crudity test - How many number plates you can turn into words before you resort to vulgar or slang words.<br />
You get the idea.<br />
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Many years ago Grand Pa on the Go decided that we were all going to go to Noosa Heads. He was to attend a conference and we would stay on for a while as a family holiday.<br />
This was back way , way, way before it became the thriving Mecca for tourists it is today. The plan was simple we would drive up the Newell Highway on the way there to arrive quickly and come back along the coast on the way home.<br />
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Imagine my delight when I was told I was to sleep on the couch in the living room. Right in front of the TV. Nothing can go wrong, its bolted to the wall - right ?<br />
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I'm sure my disappointment was evident when he trotted off to the car and produced a set of spanners, unbolted the TV, wheeled it into their room leaving me alone in the dark. It still ended up a great holiday and due to the very large pile of beach towels strategically placed between my sister and I by our wise parents the trip home was fine and by now we had graduated to the soundtrack of Grease - The movie.<br />
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One of the other treats of the road trip is discovering things. Like discovering that the red food dye in skittles made the Eldest break out in hives. A short trip to a doctors and some anti-histamines rectified this and we soon were back on our way.<br />
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Toilet stops are an inescapable part of the travel. You can say 100 or even 1000 times to your children - "take it easy and don't drink that 600ml Coke/Big M/ Gatorade all in one go"<br />
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OR you could just not let them have it.<br />
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But for a father of my considerable experience , that's just the easy way out. I like the challenge of the roadside toilet roulette.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">abc.net.au</span></span></div>
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There is nothing like pulling up to a toilet like the one above and opening the door for the first time and in that split second working out how bad you really have to go. The beloved has passed on many occasions.<br />
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The reality of these trips is you will see more of Australia than you ever will by strapping yourself in a giant steel tube and allowing some guy you don't know hurtle you through the air at in-human speeds, to then bounce your way to another place.<br />
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And with all the global turmoil and strife sometimes the simple act of taking a photo of the kids, standing next to a roadside marker that was left behind by Bourke and Wills, and the expression on their faces expresses the true gravity and <strike>boredom</strike> excitement of the moment, is sometimes just priceless.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-24621042062177571092012-07-29T13:54:00.000+10:002012-08-03T09:43:39.882+10:00"Hey can some one help me with this ?"As your children start to progress through the schooling system the level of output required grows. The schooling system set challenges that carefully measure the child and the learning stage that they are at so as to ensure they are ready to progress to the next level (actually its about ensuring they fit on to some bureaucratized bell chart , but that's a separate lecture).<br />
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I'm referring here specifically to the classic school project.<br />
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When did school projects get so complicated ? When I was of a schooling age the project was on something like Ancient Egypt or a major river system and off I would go to procure a large piece of cardboard and map out in pencil what I was going to do. Then came the cool part, I was allowed to cut up National Geographic magazines for the photos. Finished of with some neat penmanship on faint pencilled lines and the job was done.<br />
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This was held up by two students while you walked the class through you research and subsequent learning. If it was judged to be of worthy quality it would be stuck up on the wall for all to see, with the rest deemed unworthy sent home to be retired quietly.<br />
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Nowadays, that would simply not do.<br />
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Oh No, the projects are hideously complicated and involve multiple outputs and mediums. They also come with a university level marking sheet for each component that you have to follow nor risk losing valuable points.<br />
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Nothing shocked me more than watching a recent project come together that involved watching TV ( this still baffles me ) a survey and a written report and thinking it was done, when he announced "So now we have to make a video " ! " Can you help me ?"<br />
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Wait a what ?<br />
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Really ?<br />
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But what I have noticed is that once again competitiveness creeps in.<br />
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No - not from the kids.<br />
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From us. Yes us the parents.<br />
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Take for example the bridge building project. It's a bog standard project for Grade 3 children. <strike>You</strike> The child is expected to take items from around the house and construct a drawbridge. The rules are simple<br />
1) No Lego can be used.<br />
2) You have to be able to carry it into class ( no bricks or concrete)<br />
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It's heaps of fun and uses all the old toilet rolls and tissue boxes you have around the house. However when you arrive on the day of judging at school you can clearly see which parents are in it to win it.<br />
Perfectly engineered bridges that look like they belong in an art gallery are abound.<br />
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I mean some of the bridges were clearly designed by engineers. Oh yeah that right half the parents are.<br />
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And don't think this is just a localized problem., I was reading a worried parent blogging ( Yes I read other parents blogs, don't look so surprised ) about her son competing against all these other bridges with clearly assisted builds. The comments field quickly filled up with other parents sharing the same dilemma.<br />
Do you help or do you just let their imagination run wild ?<br />
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What kind of message does this send to the kids who are standing there with their pride and joy constructed of paddle pop sticks, string and toilet rolls, all covered in every color of the rainbow ? ( thankfully The Beloved has great color co-ordination for our bridges ) while the others stand there with bridges they don't really understand.<br />
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So after we assisted with the filming of the video, I forceably removed myself from the project. Because after all, I have decided that they will just have to deal with the fact that you don't win everything and you have to learn to do things by yourself.<br />
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And I just wanted him to be proud of what he could achieve.<br />
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Otherwise the kid will wake up one day and they're 40 and still living at home with you.<br />
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And that my loyal readers just aint happening on my watch.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-74881340787507390082012-07-20T16:17:00.000+10:002012-07-20T16:17:12.471+10:00The July Holiday with added NASAIt's that time of the year when Dad on the Go and family pack up for a week or so and travel the country side. It's the school holidays and in order to get the minions out from behind their video games we get out of the house. So we pack ourselves up and get ready for Family time !<br />
Along the way we remember why it may not be possible to spend long periods of time in confined spaces together , get over this and an hour later start all over again.<br />
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The trip to our nations capital now becoming an annual ritual we wanted to ensure we didn't do the same attractions (can you even use that term in Canberra ? ) over and over and so turned our attention to to the other possibilities.<br />
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Before that however, as per usual we split up to get to the final destination of Canberra. The eldest and I took the direct traditional politicians route - Flying. So off we went via Virgin Airlines and Canberra International airport, the title of which is a chuckle in itself.<br />
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Side note -Big tip to all you traveling dads - you can not put two slices of bread together with cheese in the middle and put it through those big toasters with the conveyor belt system. It will catch on fire.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">The Beloved and the youngest decide to go via Rutherglen and a number of</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><strike>side </strike><span style="background-color: white;"><strike>attractions</strike> </span><span style="background-color: white;">golf courses.</span><br />
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Once in the sunny but freezing suburb of Quanbeyan we had to start to make the hard decisions. The attraction (still not sure about that word) we eventually chose was the deep space communication complex. Its hidden deep in a mobile phone free area about 50km's outside Canberra.<br />
The second you drive through the gates with the NASA logos and the mobiles and electronic equipment warning sign , you know it's going to be cool. They have a model of the Mars Rover vehicles and a complete video walk through of the upcoming Mars landing by the Rover " Curiosity" on the 6th of August. Just standing near these giant structures it is difficult to explain the immense size yet intricate workings that go into each array.</div>
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The volunteer inside took the time to explain the whole Mars rover landing process to us and gave us wads of info on how to download the space software the kids were using in the exhibits. The links are here because they are just unbelievable.</div>
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<a href="http://www.shatters.net/celestia/">http://www.shatters.net/celestia/</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.stellarium.org/">http://www.stellarium.org/</a></div>
I give this two thumbs up. It's got something for the whole family.<br />
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Then back to our hosts house for a side of lamb and some chickens cooked on the spit and UNO and Red wine. We went via a National park that boasted koala feeding sessions and plenty of wildlife. The Koala wasn't there and I do not consider a lake full of pelicans wildlife. This gets half a thumbs up, mainly because the kids had to walk a long way which is a good thing.<br />
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<span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">As we drove out of Canberra the next the warning lights flashed on the dash that icy roads were likely. With the outside temp at -3 Celsius, it was spot on. As we climbed through the Snowy mountains the temp rose and the sun peeked through the clouds. But our passengers were too busy digesting a lamb.</span></div>
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Arriving at the Gippsland lakes the weather turned on it's charm and tempted us to go fishing. No fish were evident but the views more than made up for this and it turns out you can really enjoy wine if you have a great view and some peace and quiet. Getting this peace and quiet involved sitting 500 meters away from the kids but you get my point.</div>
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Once again another great little break provided by this great nation and some great friends. I even managed to learn something along the way.</div>
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So I know what I'll be doing on the 6th of August. I'll be watching the landing on Mars and hoping that all goes well for them.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9114338929807370043.post-5265027239322042292012-07-05T14:57:00.000+10:002012-07-06T07:13:19.848+10:00Get out of the way please - I want to hug your motherAs a child I watched my parents do all sorts of exciting things as a married couple. I also watched them continuously attend / deliver all the myriad of activities we excitedly embarked on, from French horn lessons through to breeding Siamese cats.<br />
When you move out of home (much to your parents relief , especially if you are less than 30 years old) you set off to explore the world and find someone to spend the rest of your days with.<br />
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If you are lucky enough to find such a some-one, when you first get married it's announcing to the world that not only are you ready and able to look after yourself but that you also believe you have the ability to shoulder the responsibility for another.<br />
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When the first child is born suddenly that's all that matters and every thing else is re prioritized. It's like some one hit the Go switch and you're off and running with a vague idea of the route but no map.<br />
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You cease to be the couple and immediately become the parents. You try and try to still be a couple but you get consumed in the hustle and bustle.<br />
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Gone are the romantic camping trips .<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">aber.ac.uk</span></span></div>
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Gone are sleep ins and slow brunches<br />
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Gone are the long dinners and discussions of what the future will look like, because it's here right now - you are in it.<br />
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Now that our two are almost teenagers we realised that in the not too distant future we will be retired and will need to spend large volumes of time alone together so we had better get back to basics.<br />
It's so easy to get caught up on the hustle and bustle of being parents that you easily forget about your partner and more often that not yourself. So here is what we are going to do.<br />
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Set aside time to be a couple and remind ourselves why we got married and had kids in the first place. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(Because lets face it my original idea of raising the kids to be our little slaves has NOT worked out at all.)</span><br />
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We have decided to keep it keep it simple, a little like the army reserve - one night a month and one weekend a quarter.<br />
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As a side note date night the first time we tried this our date was over in 30 minutes because we did all the things we would do with the kids :<br />
1) Pick a restaurant that serves entrees, main and desert all at once.<br />
2) Pick a noisy place with service so fast, the food must have been flash fried<br />
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So as we walked home we planned the next date a little more carefully.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">image courtesy of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #228822; font-family: arial; line-height: 15px;">pureluxury.com</span></span></div>
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Anyway we figure getting away once a quarter or so should be fine as getting the kids baby sat and planning a night away somewhere can resemble a military campaign. But I can happily report that after the first effort, I am indeed looking forward to the next one. Even though a) I played Golf and b) It was played in the pouring rain and gale force wind.<br />
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So utilising all my knowledge gained from my online amateur psychology degree (that's still in the mail) - I issue the following instructions :<br />
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1) Stand up, walk away from the computer.<br />
2) Push any small children / distractions away from your partner (they'll be fine)<br />
3) Give your partner a hug<br />
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Repeat as often as required.<br />
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Now , I'd better stop messing around here on the Internet and prepare some conversation cards for the next date, I can't afford to run out of stuff to say........Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03997108156490090927noreply@blogger.com1