Keeping your patience in a modern world.....

Patience (or forbearing) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

image courtesy of gregory-g-allen.blogspot.com

Try doing the above now days and see how that goes. The entire modern world is completely set to test the patience of everyone a Dad. It can be as simple as your son getting a gift that requires some time to set-up and once this lengthy process is over he/they proceeds to break it in the first minutes of getting it.

I'm blessed with moderately intelligent children so why do they keep asking the same question a thousand times  ?
If I gave them the answered the first time, I am not,  under a weltering barrage of the same question, changing my mind.
I've now started to pretend to think about changing my mind and watch the little spark of hope grow , only for me to stick to my original answer.

It's the same with their homework. I have to count to 100 each time between the insistence that they do their homework to a reasonable standard whilst they maintain "that's all the teacher wanted". That is not the point, I patiently explain while grinding my teeth down to their roots.

And it flows on further to why should I expect them to not questioning you when you ask them to do something. When I was a kid it was simple your parents asked you to do something and off you went and did it. No questions.
Now days you need a full description of why , what the outcome will be and a range of viable options to get your kids to do anything !

I blame myself.

I have to accept that modern society has taught all of us to expect everything instantly. Take Instant Messaging for example, it was invented because people couldn't wait the 7.51 seconds it takes an email to be delivered.

So you see - No one has to wait - you don't have to have patience any more.

Watch what happens in a line for anything where someone is standing behind the person in front who can't decide what they want. You can literally see their patience wear out.

And don't get me started on road rage. Just walk along any street with traffic and watch people safely ensconced in their shiny metal capulses spluttering in apoplectic rage at each other for no apparent reason.

So what do you do. How do you not go postal over the little things ? I do exactly that. I treat them like little things. It doesn't mean I don't get frustrated or angry - I still do that . But over time I just learn to let the world go about its business because I don't want to be the angry old guy yelling at kids to get off his lawn.

I also take the time to be thankful.

image couresy of happyclippings.com

I'm thankful that I can walk out of the house in the morning and the wife has to get the kids to school via the traffic and inter car debates.

I'm thankful that the beloved has a spreadsheet list for shopping, as nothing can quite explain watching people without a shopping list in the supermarket.
It's like babies in a room full of toys, they go one way then see something shiny and rush the other way only to be distracted again by something red.

So as you make your way through this day and the next, look around and you will be surprised to see people losing their patience.

Just try not to let it be at you.........

image courtesy of djibnet.com

Being a new Dad - the first years

I noticed that all of my posts thus far are about my semi-grown up kids and not so much about what it's like when they are first born / younger, which for a lot of you is probably going to be helpful information ( if you want to avoid the feeling of "what the hell am supposed to be doing" that I felt )

So I thought I'd reflect on some of what I went through ( over a couple of posts) and hope it helps. After all we look at Brittany Spears and marvel that if she can raise a kid whilst being completely nuts there's probably hope for us all.

I'm not going to bother with the birth because it seems everyone has a story to share and really there's not much you can do but be there, hold hands and marvel that later you can tell your wife that you saw the inside of her during the surgery to remove a stuck kid.

Its certainly nothing like the Lion King with everyone showing up to marvel the newborn with music and song. What actually happened was the doctor handed me the kid with his leg bent the other way and his foot facing the inside of his leg.

The doctored chuckled and said "that's how he was in the womb, look... " and proceeded to refold him like an accordian and then unfold him.

The next 20 mins were completely surreal as I was just standing there holding my son with absolutely no idea what to do so I did what  I always do when I'm stuck - I started to just talk to him. It's probably the only time he has ever listened completely.

Anyway eventually they let us take the kid home and I decided to go back to work straight after because there were too many women in the house and I felt so useless. I think it worked well as they eventually left and we could get down to the serious business of parenting.

Because it was winter we assumed that the house had to be warm so we heated it up. Oh boy, did we heat it up. Every heater was turned on.
The first heating bill was more than my salary as we kept the house so hot for the kid to avoid any issues. From then on we used blankets and clothes.

So time began to pass and I must of demonstrated some responsibility because I was told that I would be left on my own to manage the kid whilst a dinner was attended.
As you know she has always been organised so when I was finally left alone with him - there was a list.

All the things I had to do were laid out and the foods to feed him were in individual containers. So it's simple right ?

I put him for the first feed in the high chair and opened the container. Kiwi fruit , too easy.

I get the spoon put some fruit on and hand it to him. I turn around to do something else and then turn back to the kid

The spoon is clean.

Sweet. All good.

So I repeat.

5 minutes later and the bowl is empty. I am on fire here. All I need to do is wipe the excess fruit off his face now.

I felt a drop on my shoulder. I wipe at it and see that it's fruit. I look up.

Who new kiwifruit could get on the roof ? Who knew how hard it is to clean fruit off the roof ?

I'll leave you with one last thought.

Kids will learn routines and you will change.

The eldest was about two and quietly playing on the floor whilst we were heatedly discussing our finances. After a while we both looked around the room and we realized Chris was no longer with us in the room.

We started frantically looking around and found him standing by himself in the dark in his bed room waiting to be put to bed. He knew when to go to bed and we had completely missed it.

Both of us hung our heads in shame and we realized from that point on it was no longer just about us.

It was about our family.

So don't worry and definitely don't panic because after all you're not Brittany Spears-  you're a Dad !

The Guilt of the school holidays

Put your hand up if your at work right now and the little terrors beloved offspring are on holidays and being managed looked after by someone else.

My hand is up.

I didn't mean for it to be like this , I had every intention of being on holiday with them . But I have an excuse -  something came up which stopped me from being there. The problem is I always have something as an excuse.

I know there will be other holidays right ? And we have the weekends right?

Problem is I really do feel bad about it. School holidays are the one time that you should be together having fun and we have a rule in our family - its not a holiday unless everybody gets to relax.

Remember this post ? I mean it !

I still remember in exact detail the family holidays I had when I was a kid. If you guessed that's because of the ones we did actually manage they were so memorable, you'd be right. When both parents work it becomes a real challenge to get the clan organised.

Driving to Noosa back in the '80s - My Dad getting the tools from the car and unbolting the TV from the wall it was chained to, so he and Mum could watch TV in their room at night while I slept on the couch.

Two weeks in an apartment in Mornington, waiting whilst the rain passed, peering constantly out of the worst colored curtains I have ever seen and we completed a 10,000 piece jigsaw of some obscure mountain.

image courtesy of gold-coast-australia-travel-tips.com

Anyway you get the picture, they're cherished moments (even if they don't seem it at the time).

Things were different when I was younger, school holidays that we didn't get to go away or  get sent to a relatives house, were a chance to explore. We were allowed to go to the cinema by ourselves on the tram. We were allowed to ride our skateboards up and down the street all day.

Now days if you allowed that and your kids were under 14 you'd probably get arrested.

I know my family are having a great time and I know that they understand why I can't be there, but guilt is a funny emotion. It allows you to justify yourself and then creeps back and reminds you with that uncomfortable nagging feeling of uncertainty.

So as I sit here whilst the family are on holidays and I get another phone call from them swearing they are ok with me not being there ( I know they are just saying that) it spurs me into action to not let it happen again.

After all it's not good when I'm left on my own, as who knows what I'll do ?

I am the Accessory.....

It may come as a shock to some of you that not every social occasion that The Goddess and I attend will be of my request or invitation. This is because The Ultimate Organised one has a social circle that puts Zuckerberg to shame and to top that off is also on more committees that any current sitting senator.

So on many occasions I will be / am known as the handbag.
"What " I hear you say,
 "An accessory ?"
Yup , you heard me correctly. Arm Candy, Handbag call it what you want.

Pic courtesy of 320636.spreadshirt.com

It's not a bad job actually and there are many benefits. Free food, free drinks, you get to go places that I'd struggle to get to under my own steam. I have actually met some Olympians and minor celebrities at these occasions so by default that makes me at least a C or D lister. (take heed PR companies).

And really all I have to do is meet people, say hello , make polite conversation and describe what I do in 5 seconds or less. Over and Over and Over and Over again. I'm not being funny about the number of people who know the Organised One.

I still remember one function several years ago that went like this.

" and this is Lachlan, he is married to Suzanne" pause 

 "you know The Suzanne" (what ? does she have impersonators attending other functions on her behalf ?)

"oh The Suzanne ! oh wow , so you're her husband !" ( well that's what the certificate says)

"Wow the husband of Suzanne ! " , pause ,
" Whats that like?" 

I go to tell her what its like and before I have drawn a breath, they are already dragging more people over with the phrase :

" and this is Lachlan, he's married to Suzanne !"

Image courtesy of heedthedub.blogspot.com

Anyway it gave me enough to really have some fun at home.

So now when functions come up I always prepare my self for what I think will happen  (secretly knowing/hoping  that it probably won't ) and then I'm prepared either way.

and every now and the some thing really cool happens.....

Disclaimer -  I am not now or have I ever been a male model. I got this job through sheer good fortune.