A is for Adventure

It is a very prevalent comment from people that change is often hard. You get told this as if this gives permission to complain or even try to resist the change. During the 90’s change management was actually a thing that you could sell to organisations ( think “who moved my cheese”) and was everywhere you turned. It predated the obsession in the 00’s with CRM and to resist it was to be branded “ not a team player “.

As you know my life has changed completely from what it used to be. During the last 3 years everything changed again as I moved from what was to what is now. This meant that I had to re find myself and then work out how I was going to see out my remaining days on our beautiful blue planet. I certainly was not going to do it alone and I am pleased that I have found a beautiful, confident, self-starter and like minded partner to set out and discover the last great adventure.

I use the word adventure as I decided that it was pointless to continue to try to do what I had previously set down as my plan. I discovered that as much as I tried - the map I had in my head could not be molded to the terrain - and as the Swiss army aphorism says “if the map and the terrain disagree, trust the terrain”.

So, we took all the bits of how we thought we could spend our days, mashed them together and came up with a new plan. The next part was to work out where.

Looking for somewhere to live and derive an income without being to far from travel options ( trains, planes and automobiles ) , had to be warm but not too hot, good rainfall, grow stuff well, have space for animals, somewhere for all the toys  (read garage) , space for the Minions, space for guests, a place for brewing the list went on and on but you get the picture on top of all was to be affordable of course – this had become a daunting task.

After a couple of miss starts (re – termite infestation, a flood plain and a hilly Christmas tree farm with 9'foot fences ) were overcome  - one contender became apparent - Coffs Harbour.

So circle back to the opening statement – we were now staring down the barrel of consolidating 3 houses, 5 boats, a garage full of absolutely vital, cannot live without stuff ( you never know when a used rusty 3” nail will come in handy !) and move it all 17 hours by road - north ! 

                                                                         http://www.askaprepper.com/11-things-pioneers-carried-oregon-trail/

This is no ordinary run of the mill change – this is a complete life alteration!

But that is exactly what we’ve done.

Nothing left behind.

Armed with my 48 years of knowledge (or is it lack thereof ?) and a well-worn copy Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s River Cottage bible we will set out to do all the stuff I kept on saying I would do  “ one of these days “

Come with us on this journey – its gunna be a hoot !

All the small things, true care, truth brings

As with most things in life the passage of time either adds a new perspective on things or completely distorts the view of them. So it is with precisely that in mind that I approach the fact that my marriage is now over.

As you know I am extremely passionate and sometimes have a hard time letting things go that aren't right or that have managed to creep under my skin. Take for example the following - You are trying to cook an egg for someone you love. The yolk bursts and the egg in your view is ruined by the fact it is so old and isn't perfect like Nigella's , did you ever stop to think that maybe they were just happy you were cooking them an egg ?

The harder I tried to make everything perfect, the more difficult it became to create the image of how I thought it should all be.

credit http://blog.williams-sonoma.com/simply-nigella-cookbook/

As much as I try I can only see that I missed all the little things that needed to be said or done and focused on what I thought should be done, so by that omission it was this that moved us apart. And it happened so quickly.

The most interesting thing that has come out of the contemplation and soul searching post the separation, is all the things you thought were important - aren't - and the little things that have always been there (but been taken for granted) are suddenly the most important thing.

But I can assure you that as devastated as I am, this is not a pity post nor a raised flag for sympathy. This is is just the state of play, it's the truth of where in 2017 I am. Still a Dad, still healthy and upright - just a different location and surroundings.

Along with new added challenges and a new operating reality we'll now need  to balance the boys between two houses, negotiate holidays, decide which family functions are mandatory attendance and the list goes on. But of course parental solidarity will still be mandatory, although a lot harder , but mandatory nonetheless to continue to allow the boys to continue to grow and mature.

My mantra for at least a little while is going to be, I'm not going to be angry at myself or get down and I will talk to friends and family. In the meantime its on wards and upwards as best we can.

Given its now been 3 years since I posted , it is well time to resume writing and stop procrastinating. It's also well time to do things I should have done and try things that should be tried ( except parachuting, there is never a valid reason to jump from a perfectly good plane with bar service).


And as the Blink 182 songs says

 Say it ain't so, I will not go Turn the lights off, carry me home

Cats in the Cradle

I awake with a jolt.

For a moment I can't move , I'm strapped in.

I'm fine - I'm sitting in a plane, now wide awake with 5 hours flying time to go. Sleeping on planes isn't too hard as long as you follow the routine - Eat the mediocre - high calorie food, watch some mediocre in flight shows ( heavily edited and redacted ) and once they turn down all the cabin lights you should nod off.

And yet here I am.

As noted in the last post - the new job - whilst progressing very well and being immensely interesting, has thrown up some challenges not previously experienced. Which therefore has not allowed me to dip into the bag of Dad knowledge and produce easy to implement solutions, which can be re-created here for your digestion.

This is disconcerting.

I was at the kids Saturday sport once and a parent said - "Love the blog but make sure you keep giving us advice " or something to that effect. (Which proves someone reads this)

So I know that the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing quite what to do will hopefully produce something we can all use....

The most noticeable challenge currently is that the amount of travel that I thought was mentioned in the interview seems to have exponentially grown.

After each trip away - I have found that inserting my self back in to the family rhythm after anywhere between 7 to 14 days away is proving slightly more difficult that I thought. It's not just the fact that you essentially travel alone and apart from meetings and conference calls,  the level of inane chit chat that a family does is greatly reduced.

And compounding this is because you have no one to bounce idea's off you  have these internal conversations that are completely validated by your own perceptions with no external input ( very dangerous)

In the mean time the family have of course continued on doing what they do , minus me. So when I return I'm like an outsider for the first few days fumbling around in my own home trying to adjust to any changes that happened sans me.

And the assumption is now , that I could have to travel again,  everyone thinks in much shorter periods of time , when I am actually around so we tend to try to accelerate the solution / outcome. This seems to be due to a now recognition that the periods of time together to resolve life's challenges are going to shorter than previous and that travel could occur again at any time putting on hold all sorts of things.

So how do I adjust for that ? We have a number of communication points in place that the boys can use to reach out to me and of course with today's technology it seems to be getting simpler.

But here's a learning point - Timing.

I've always tried to convince people that in order for clear  communication to take place you are going to have to communicate in way that they feel comfortable in. I now want to add to this - the timing. So for example if you try to communicate with your family at a time of high stress such as getting ready for school - you re going to have a bad time.

This of course doesn't help you if you need a chat because you've had a good/bad/frustrating day and want to talk to the people who understand you the best. So a little understanding will have to come in to play.

In the mean time I'll try to get back in the swing of things with the family and rest safe in the knowledge that we all know deep in our hearts that our families are the one place we are loved unconditionally. We just have to ask politely.....

Hopefully now I can stop waking up with "Cats in the Cradle" in my head......

Tactics and teenagers

This episode is bought to you by the letter T and the number 6

Ever wondered how some parents seem to be able to get there kids to do things and others just seem to be constantly yelling at their kids ( and each other) ?

Picture this - two meth addict parents with a 3 year old in a stroller are at a major intersection waiting to cross. There are probably 15 other people waiting to cross this road as well. The lights change but the pedestrian lights do not and everybody is forced to wait another set of lights change until the green man is presented and they can all cross.

The mother proceeds to yell at the father all the way across the lights about how "All these fu#@%ers didn't bother to fu@$#en push the fu*%^ button to cross the fu*+!@ lights".
"They were fu%$#en standing there the whole fu&#$%en time and not one of them fu*&^%en tried.

The father is trailing behind her and  is profusely apologising the whole time. They disappear down the road with her still swearing that this is the problem with the world today.

I tell you this story because I didn't stop laughing  for about a day and in fact I still laugh about it. The child in the stroller , with her head rotating furiously from side to side in an effort to see her parents arguing behind her was learning.

She was learning tactics for getting by in the world. Now, you and I both know they are entirely wrong but that's what I'm getting at.

I have found that if you just yell at or nag or berate your child to do something then you are probably either not going to get it done or just end up with a resentful situation.

image courtesy of de.wikipedia.org

Tactics are becoming increasingly important in our lives as well , with a teenager (added hormones included ) and a potential teenager lurking behind him - just watching the interactions.

No longer do mindless incentives work

Pleading does not work

Berating does not work

If / then statements do not always work

However parental unity is still working ( I think this is a fundamental underpin of the universe , so I'm confident it won't change any time soon). As long as we both stay firm with the decisions the desired result is achieved.

I'm finding we have to get to the solution and  make him feel good about himself that the choice is right and he was involved in the trip to get there.

It's delicate as the pressure from being in Year 7 has quadrupled from Year 6 and it's a jungle out there. New kids in the class along with all the other kids jockeying for position. Getting around a larger school area and all of a sudden timing is important as well as having all the right books and equipment.

So no matter how much you prep your child for senior school sometimes the shock of the vastness of the whole thing can be just overwhelming

But we won't tiptoe around it , he has to learn that sometimes no matter what - you have to push on as I don't want him to be afraid of a challenge and I don't want him to grow up risk averse. i.e. if it's too hard or someone tells you its too difficult they give up with out even attempting.


It's the same way we let him let him do what some parents would class as dangerous now days like catching public transport by himself.

Just as you're tired from school / sport it is the same as if you're at work and tired, there are deadlines and expectations.

This of course can be dangerous - its kinda like balancing a hand-grenade on a knife- you know its going to go off you just don't know which direction and when. Especially if you're tired or not 100% focussed on what you doing with them at the time.

And as tempting as it is to tell them how everything will end up or what will happen when the do something you know that  you can tell them until they're blue in the face but until they learn themselves.

On the flip side we have learned that you can, with some degree of success, put 2 minute noodles in a bagel and eat it.

So where do the letter T and the number 6 come in ?

T is for tactics, get them right and you on a winner.

The number 6 is the current number of times you have to ask to get him to brush his teeth and put deodorant on.

Am I ready ? I mean really ready ?

As they all march on to the thin stage the spotlights make some of the boys blink and squint out in to the audience to try and see better / someone they know. They shuffle awkwardly and itch at inappropriate places, their bodies caught in that time that's almost changing them into teenagers but leaving their minds still filled with wild imagination fueled fun.
They literally have attention spans that can only be measured by the sorts of equipment required to build the Large Hadron Collider.

As they describe their experiences, in getting to this glorious point, I try hard not to allow my brain to take me back to the same era - Grade 6.
The eldest is going though the last remaining days of Primary School and there is lots of pomp and ceremony interspersed with good advice and re-assurances that support is around, you just have to ask.

Whom to ask and about what is not quite apparent -  but you get the idea.

School is not an easy place, its supposed to be the safest place to become correctly prepared for the world at large. Each child is raised carefully by a combination of the school and the parents with both complimenting each other.

Well that's the theory anyway.

I'm the last person to be preaching this, I was a terrible student. There are things I did at school that still can not be told in public because once it gets out or on the Internet it will get out of hand. I did not fulfill the true definition of school until much later in life.

But now that the eldest has completed junior school he apparently is ready for the next set of challenges.

What about his parents are they ready ?

When they are babies you look at them without worrying about  future problems - that will all come later. When they are babies their needs are simple (well that's how I choose to remember it)

Feeding - Burping - Cleaning up vomit - you get the idea.

The problems are solvable, Do we have enough nappies ? Do we have the house quiet enough for them to sleep ? Is it the middle of the night and do they need comforting ? Is the food in the baby or on the floor and wall ?

See ! All solvable.

Now that he's a teenager it changes.  I mean - I hope he can clean up his own vomit but that's the least of my worries.

Have I kept up with the latest trends ? Do I even know what's cool right now ?

Do I have a computer / console  that will play the latest games? nothing worse than having old technology apparently. And the fact that he has to share it with the rest of us constantly stuns him.

Have I or the beloved ensured he leaves the house dressed at  least semi decently ? No Son that tracksuit and top are not OK you look homeless. You have a wardrobe full of nice clothes , go and try again.

And no you can not eat last nights pasta/rice for breakfast (well not in front of your mother). You have to have a decent breakfast.

All these problems get easier to solve once you have seen them a few times but then - Unexpected ones arise as if he has decided the game is too repetitive and needs new boundaries.
It's like getting up in the middle of the night -  You know you are going to stub your toe , you just don't know when or on what.

So as they all march off the stage, their certificate grasped in their fists, I hope their parents are ready.....

This Pool Water tastes different.....

I can dimly see my family through a dirty Perspex window. A calm voice counts down 3, 2, 1 and my whole world goes light then dark and then light again. I have no idea which way is up and when I screech to a halt in 2 feet of water I now know what projectile vomit feels like.

So why am I here with a spinal  board style piece of plastic strapped to my body and why did I mortgage my house to experience this ?

Yep ...... School holidays.

That glorious time when we attempt to spend time together without :

a) Killing each other
b) Having to re-mortgage the house 

So as per standard family rules, we try at least once a year to go to a place where we have not been before and try something we have never tried before.

This time we  headed off to a small coastal town near the border of New South Wales and Queensland. Its perfect. Stunning views  and a gorgeous lagoon pool, that has a day time water temperature of 8 degrees, which turns out to be fine because we're from Melbourne and once the outside temperature rises above 12 degrees we pretty much strip off and start running around naked.

The kids had decided that as we were near the Gold Coast (over 60km away) we should go to the theme parks. The Beloved said - only two as they're pretty pricey. So water slides and the opportunity to get our bathers wedged up our backsides it was.

So off we headed to the water parks. The entry fees has set us back well over what Rupert Murdoch earns in an hour and if the line to get in is any indication there is a lot more lining up to come.

image courtesy of therealsouthkorea.wordpress.com

We pay for a locker (cash only of course) and dutifully line up for each ride. The wait time can be expressed as the following :

Wait Time = Length of Ride x Excitement

In other words you are going to line up a lot. Some rides are better than others.

After all that excitement off to the wave pool we go. As I am standing in the calm waters (they only turn the waves on every 10 minutes or so ) a thought occurs to me exactly how much snot would be in these things ?

As I sit there thinking this the waves start up I get I get knocked over and  manage to gulp several mouthfuls of  the pool water which seems to consist of children's pee diluted with a splash of water.

Now it's time to eat. It's important to note you can take your own food into these parks, just not commercially prepared food, which,  as we are on holidays is really all we have access to.

This means we have to buy it inside. So again we line up.

What genius came up with the idea of 3 nuggets, (notice I didn't specify what what type of meat was in the nuggets, that's because it's completely indeterminable) a handful of fries, a coke and and a Krispy Kreme doughnut and said "that's a lunch pack!" ?

And then what led them to the conclusion that we would pay $16.99 for this equivalent of 5 Big Mac's worth of calories and then feed it to an already over stimulated child ?

And as if that's not enough, don't even try to think about the volumes of sugar in the food sold , including a three foot plastic tube of frozen sugar proudly bought to you by your friends at Coca Cola (which of course can be refilled at a marginally lower price that what you originally paid.)

So as the afternoon draws on and I try to digest my "lunch" I begin people watching (when your stuck in a line on a stairwell 20 feet off the ground there's not much else to do). I notice a couple having a pretty intense discussion.
I hear him say " I just can't take it anymore" she is crying. He walks off - she looks lost.

Oh shit - they're breaking up ! Who breaks up with someone in a theme park ? That's like going to Disney Land and walking in the gate and walking out straight away because it looks boring. You just don't do that.

I mean sure - if you are coming down off a sugar high after one of those frozen coke tubes , maybe you could be a bit irrational, but breaking up ?

So as the afternoon ticks on towards closing time and people start to realize the stinging pain of the parts of their bodies they missed when putting on sunscreen in the morning, it's time to go. The obligatory traipse through the gift shop is mercifully painless and we make our way through the car park the size of the Northern Territory towards the car.

As the palm trees along the highway whiz by, the kids are asleep with huge smiles still on their faces, so it all seems worth it.

I think next year we should go somewhere less crowded.

and hopefully nobody is breaking up while I'm there.

Not Safe For Children

I need a filter. Maybe even a seven second delay button just like the one they use on radio. Just enough for someone to hit the dump button as I say something that whilst probably true or correct should not be spoken aloud in front of the current audience.

I'm like the Internet ask me something and I'll tell you and whilst it may not be totally accurate or quite what you expected, I'm going to tell you anyway, some times with out even pausing to think about who is standing nearby or listening.

I don't do it to be annoying or even just to see what the reaction will be. I just believe that, if you ask me I'll tell you. Especially if the little dudes ask. I don't want them subjected to the same urban legends that went around when I was a kid.

You know the ones - McDonald's thick shakes are really rendered pig fat or Mentos and Coke mixed in your stomach will kill you.

Or that kids going down water-slides used to stick pieces of razor blade to the slide with chewing gum for the next person coming down.

The best part about my two dudes is they are fanatical about MythBusters so they are pretty switched on anyway.

I can't stand the fact that people dress things up or try and soften it up for kids. They are people and deserve our respect. Plus I'd rather set 'em straight than have someone at school with an older brother or sister tell them in a Chinese whisper fashion. Within reason of course.

One of the challenges I have is that I have an opinion on everything, I love market researchers when they call. Mainly because I will take their call and discuss with them my opinion. So I tend to enjoy reading a lot and by default gather all sorts of facts and snippets and file them away for a rainy day.

The beloved even once bought a T-Shirt for me just like this.

So as you can now begin to see that it will all start out with a conversation innocently enough but some how ends up in a place we shouldn't be. I'm not trying to start trouble here but just set the boys straight.

I humbly submit the following as an example :

So the eldest is trying to be cool and throws the word porn into a sentence. So I stop and I say to him. "Don't say that"
Any way I go on " Porn is just like films, it isn't really real . They are all actors and are paid "

Now of course I should have stopped there.

Should have.

But didn't.

I went on "Yeah you know, they have make up, lighting experts, camera experts etc. Just like films. And they have to wax you know".

My brain catches up .02 milliseconds later.

The silence is deafening. He then gets look on his face that belies that blinding realisation where they wax. I yell at the youngest " Go upstairs now !" He scuttles out. The Beloveds head is buried deep in her hands. It takes another 3 minutes to extricate my self from the conversation and get it back on an even keel.

I eat the remainder of my dinner in silence.

All I was trying to do was set him straight. That what he thinks it is is actually not true. People don't behave like that in relationships.
And somehow ended up way past the point I was making.

Now I know why the saying "The road to hell is paved with good intention" is apt.

People take Football very seriously

I watch the cameras being tested and focused, the camera men making sure all the angles can be covered and nothing missed.
I watch the coaches and assistant coaches with magnetic boards in deep discussion with football managers and other support staff on final player positions.
I watch intently as the players complete there drills and warm ups and move into their final huddle before the game.

These are all the things that we love about AFL football. That pre-game excitement.

Then - the bell goes and the ball is bounced.

What ? What do you mean it's a siren and not a bell ?

You know I'm talking about under 9's footy right ?

image courtesy of blog.smilebebe.com

Confused ?

And all of those things described above actually happened. Not from our team of course.

Picture this, there's a coffee gently warning my right hand and my jacket is clutched firmly in my left as I look out over the field. It's Sunday morning and time for footy. The Youngest and his team are peppering the goals with footballs and the parents are chatting away on the sidelines.

Yet the opposition team seem to have an entire support team to rival any AFL teams, busily preparing for the match.

But I digress. Watching these kids play is great because -

a) They're outside and in running around in what Melbourne mostly passes as fresh air.
b) They're playing a team sport which is forcing them to work together to get an outcome.

I can not ask for any more. Well I can, I need decent coffee. But as Grandpa on the Go always said - "if you want it done right then you're probably going to have to do it yourself. So I now make my own coffee in a travel  sippee cup.

The Youngest has been put in the mid field which seems to mean anywhere on the ground the ball is. It also seems to mean go where ever all the wettest and stickiest mud is and tackle people there.
He does well, except for a couple of moments where he skips around a bit looking like he is having way to much fun.

image courtesy of jeffdowsing.wordpress.com

I'd say the opposition will have to edit that bit out of their very serious post match review, before the other kids find out.

Anyway despite being a few men short and facing a difficult slope in the ground away from the goals they notch up a win.

They march off the ground arms around each other singing the club song at the same decibel level of air-planes taking off, smiles wider than the grand canyon.

There is a post match game discussion which seems to be more about giving out chocolates and footy cards than the serious business of post match dissection. But everyone gets praised and all achievements are duly noted - including The Youngest attempting to ride the full back like a donkey head first in to the ground.

We wrap him up in a towel and off we go home.

And next Sunday I'll do it all again, because after all this is bloody serious you know.........

Toilet roulette and road trips

We all know how fond of road trips I am. I see them as the last great travel method (apart from trains which I love). When I think about the road trips I've taken I always have a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, there are portions of these trips I am sure that my brain has deliberately suppressed- the mind numbing stretches of straight road and more recently the kids niggling each other as we get close to the 10 minute concentration span they currently possess. So we have developed different ways to pass the time in the car  to ensure my blood pressure stays at a reasonable level.

Before I do that lets picture this  : Grand Pa on the Go and the family driving through The Death Valley into Nevada and to keep us entertained ( there were no radio stations) constantly re playing  Sesame Street cassette tapes that we could sing along to.

All 9 of them. Over and Over. Here's an updated version of one of these little treasures

How my parents stayed sane still mystifies me to this day. I see this as the true definition of hard core parenting.

image courtesy of  freefoto.com

If you wish to avoid this and are not interested in an in-car DVD's (or hard core parenting ) you need car games. Here's just two that we use :

The test of Patience - See how many games of eye spy you can play before you lose it completely.
The Crudity test - How many number plates you can turn into words before you resort to vulgar or slang words.
You get the idea.

Many years ago Grand Pa on the Go decided that we were all going to go to Noosa Heads. He was to attend a conference and we would stay on for a while as a family holiday.
This was back way , way, way before it became the thriving Mecca for tourists it is today.  The plan was simple we would drive up the Newell Highway on the way there to arrive quickly and come back along the coast on the way home.

Imagine my delight when I was told I was to sleep on the couch in the living room. Right in front of the TV.  Nothing can go wrong, its bolted to the wall - right ?

I'm sure my disappointment was evident when he trotted off to the car and produced a set of spanners, unbolted the TV, wheeled it into their room leaving me alone in the dark. It still ended up a great holiday and due to the very large pile of beach towels strategically placed between my sister and I by our wise parents the trip home was fine and by now we had graduated to the soundtrack of Grease - The movie.

One of the other treats of the road trip is discovering things. Like discovering that the red food dye in skittles made the Eldest break out in hives. A short trip to a doctors and some anti-histamines rectified this and we soon were back on our way.

Toilet stops are an inescapable part of the travel. You can say 100 or even 1000 times to your children - "take it easy and don't drink that 600ml Coke/Big M/ Gatorade all in one go"

 OR you could just not let them have it.

But for a father of my considerable experience , that's just the easy way out. I like the challenge of the roadside toilet roulette.

image courtesy of abc.net.au

There is nothing like pulling up to a toilet like the one above and opening the door for the first time and in that split second working out  how bad you really have to go. The beloved has passed on many occasions.

The reality of these trips is you will see more of Australia than you ever will by strapping yourself in a giant steel tube and allowing some guy you don't know hurtle you through the air at in-human speeds, to then bounce your way to another place.

And with all the global turmoil and strife sometimes the simple act of taking a photo of the kids, standing next to a roadside marker that was left behind by Bourke and Wills, and the expression on their faces expresses the true gravity and boredom excitement of the moment, is sometimes just priceless.

Get out of the way please - I want to hug your mother

As a child I watched my parents do all sorts of exciting things as a married couple. I also watched them continuously attend / deliver all the myriad of activities we excitedly embarked on, from French horn lessons through to breeding Siamese cats.
When you move out of home (much to your parents relief , especially if you are less than 30 years old) you set off to explore the world and find someone to spend the rest of your days with.

If you are lucky enough to find such a some-one, when you first get married it's announcing to the world that not only are you ready and able to look after yourself but that you also believe you have the ability to shoulder the responsibility for another.

When the first child is born suddenly that's all that matters and every thing else is re prioritized. It's like some one hit the Go switch and you're off and running with a vague idea of the route but no map.

You cease to be the couple and immediately become the  parents. You try and try to still be a couple but you get consumed in the hustle and bustle.

Gone are the romantic camping trips .

image courtesy of aber.ac.uk

Gone are sleep ins and slow brunches

Gone are the long dinners and discussions of what the future will look like, because it's here right now - you are in it.

Now that our two are almost teenagers we realised that in the not too distant future we will be retired and will need to spend large volumes of time alone together so we had better get back to basics.
It's so easy to get caught up on the hustle and bustle of being parents that you easily forget about your partner and more often that not yourself. So here is what we are going to do.

Set aside time to be a couple and remind ourselves why we got married and had kids in the first place. (Because lets face it my original idea of raising the kids to be our little slaves has NOT worked out at all.)

We have decided to keep it keep it simple, a little like the army reserve - one night a month and one weekend a quarter.

As a side note date night the first time we tried this our date was over in 30 minutes because we did all the things we would do with the kids :
1) Pick a restaurant that serves entrees, main and desert all at once.
2) Pick a noisy place with service so fast, the food must have been flash fried

So as we walked home we planned the next date a little more carefully.

image courtesy of pureluxury.com

Anyway we figure getting away once a quarter or so should be fine as getting the kids baby sat and planning a night away somewhere can resemble a military campaign.  But I can happily report that after the first effort, I am indeed looking forward to the next one. Even though a) I played Golf and b) It was played in the pouring rain and gale force wind.

So utilising all my knowledge gained from my online amateur psychology degree (that's still in the mail) - I issue the following instructions :

1) Stand up, walk away from the computer.
2) Push any small children / distractions away from your partner (they'll be fine)
3) Give your partner a hug

Repeat as often as required.

Now , I'd better stop messing around here on the Internet and prepare some conversation cards for the next date, I can't afford to run out of stuff to say........

As a Dad you're probably going through something simliar

I often sit and wonder why I'm the only Dad with challenges in raising my kids. I understand there's going to be challenges, that's what makes being a parent so great. But why all the other stuff ?

After all, I was a perfect child who never gave my parents a lick of trouble ever, so why  do mine ? *

image coutesy of themomsbuzz.com

Simple things like getting them to clean their rooms through to complex things like putting more effort into school assignments seemed to be a never ending source of debate  and discussion and you start to wonder  - I am even doing this right ?

And after having another heated discussion with The Eldest son about levels of effort in his homework, I was feeling pretty down. Some days just seem like a never evening military campaign to illuminate the locals and set them on the path of economic freedom. Let us win your hearts and minds or we'll burn your damn huts down, sort of thing.

I wasn't the greatest student so I want to ensure my kids don't make the same mistakes I made and I'm keen to not let them suffer through some past misadventures that I should have definitely have been warned about.

Now the Beloved and I are a fearsome team. We are absolutely on the same side when it comes to the minions. But sometimes being a Dad is kinda like being a light house keeper - You know your job is important, but you never really know if you are doing it right because it's just you.

So what to do ? Who do I talk to ? It's been previously discussed on this blog about the difficulties faced when meeting / talking to other Dads. You certainly don't want to go around exposing your issues to all and sundry.

And I can't talk to Grandpa on the Go about it. The issues he faced with me were different. Or is it just me wanting that to be the case - it's all too hard, so don't worry just keep going .

image courtesy of belleamiemotherofthree.com

What an eye opener it was when I accidentally had lunch one day with another Dad and he confessed to me about having an argument with his son. It was exactly the same argument over exactly the same piece of homework with his son that I had had with mine. We ended up chatting for the entire lunch about these challenges and swapping war stories.

And with that small piece of revelation I started asking questions at every opportunity. Listening and realising that we were all going through the same thing.

Too much {insert video game name here} not enough homework.

Arguing over Internet usage.

Getting them to do chores around the house. It went on.

I  like to see myself as a pretty easy going guy and I try not to be an overbearing Dad. But you have to teach (boys especially) that their are boundaries and limits. And now that I know we can't solve every challenge / crisis but at least there are other Dads with some advice or at the very least a sympathetic ear, I'm back on track.

So now I attend the dinners with other Dads. I'm even thinking about setting some up. And I listen and ask questions every time.

So let me give you one task to do this week - Go find another Dad with similar aged kids to yours and talk to them and even more importantly - Listen.

Who knows you might just be surprised.

* May not be accurate statement

Dads and supermarket shopping

On the weekends in Coles, Aldi and Wooloworths around this great nation of ours you will often see Dads who would normally not go shopping with their child/ren in tow. I would hazard a guess that the normally patient mother / spouse has given the remaining members of the house a list and sent them packing, in order to get some much needed peace and quiet. So off to the supermarket they traipse, going though the pain of dealing with supermarket car parks and loading / unloading kids.

image courtesy of goodmenproject.com

So how have I reached this grandiose broad sweeping statement ?

Well they are pretty easy to spot. They have a couple of "tells" that give them away.

So here's a quick field guide to the species:

1) Identification - They are carrying a basket not a trolley, clutching a list like it's the 10 commandments and looking around nervously. To assume that anything else besides some bread, milk and a couple of other small items will fit in the basket is where the problems start. Trolleys are a trap and a blessing - it's good they hold so much but this results in you / others being able to add things and not really notice.

2) Environment - They will look pretty lost in the aisles. Not being a regular in the supermarket means they will often wander up and down several aisles looking for one thing before proceeding to the next item on their list. In trying to look like you know what you are doing, the exact opposite is usually conveyed.

3) Behavior Patterns - They will keep checking what the kids are doing or actually looking for the child/ren. When they find the actual listed item they are looking for they will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to decide which brand or price point they are supposed to choose. Then will often display confusion as the child/ren may offer suggestions like " that's not the one Mommy buys ! "

4) Checkout - At this point they are feeling a cross between stressed and relief that the end is in sight. A few more looks at the list to re-assure themselves that all is well. They will often miss the chocolate / treat free aisle that assist with the inevitable " daddy can we have.....". That always takes a few minutes to resolve.

image courtesy of parentsask.com

And then off they toddle with bags and kids in tow to the car park and out into the bright daylight that signals freedom.

As a regular supermarket shopper I feel for them. I remember the first time I was allowed to go by myself. I think I came home with $200.00 of "stuff " and most it was not on the list I had been supplied with. Over time I was trained in the art of shopping for a) the budget and b) what we would actually consume.

I really feel fore these guys. I can assure you that no where in "What to expect when you are expecting " or any book in that series does it explain or even hint at this kind of stuff.

And when I see them struggling, I just  want to take them gently by the hand and show them that the Pecans are in aisle 5.

So I never laugh and never sneer in derision when they don't know.

I just remind my self to drag out the minions and show them how to shop to live well.

Dealing with Loss

I don't deal well with loss.

There I said it.

I really hate it when I had something and then I don't. Or worse when someone else had something and now no longer does.  ( I'm glaring at the moment at the other occupants of the house ). I know I'm not alone.

Nothing frustrates me more than when someone loses something of yours. And don't get me wrong I'm not just focusing on the cost of goods now days. Even though thirty years ago you could by 20cents of mixed lollies and they would last the walk home.
Now you have to by $20 dollars worth and hope the 8 lollies you get, last the drive home or an inter-car boxing tournament will break out.

No - I'm talking about caring. I think that if you're upset about the loss then you care.

Image courtesy videosonar.com

I once had a physical altercation with the refrigeration because I though it had lost my squeezy bottle of Dijonaise (you know the one Adrian Richardson advertises ?) Why , because I care. Plus that stuff is awesome on sandwiches.

It's quite frustrating seeing that look of  "Oh well I'll have to get another one " just drives me nuts.

It's not OK. You lost it.

Think about when you were at school. At the start of the year you are given beautiful fresh books, a set of pens, paper,pencils coloured pencils, Textas and an array of sharpeners erasers etc.

But by the middle of the year whats left ? 3 Half chewed HB pencils, 4 Textas with no lids and some of the coloured pencils.

Image courtesy of mypigeonpair.blogspot.com

Now I get why my Father would get so cranky about me leaving his tools around the yard. He expected that if I would use them then I would afford the tool the usual courtesy of returning it to where it came from.

The issue is for a long time I was under the impression that if I left something in a certain spot that was because I would know to go back there to get it.

Let me illustrate how it works :

I get home and I want to change out of my "good " clothes into something comfortable ( for a long time this was just my jocks ) so I take of the good clothes and leave them on the floor. Exactly where I will be able to find them again later.

Why ? Because that way they will be where I could find them when I next need them.

Now let me illustrate how this all fell apart:

When the beloved first moved in she had commented that my "filing system " of on the floor was not suitable. I took this as "advice " ie It wasn't a set in stone rule. After a few more mentions, I had left clothes etc on the floor and then gone out to work. When I came home my clothes and other items left on the floor were now in the yard under a sprinkler.

The system was abandoned in favour of the new "advice".

So now I patiently try to teach the Minions that yes you can use my stuff and no you cannot leave it where ever you think you will remember it.

And I wonder how my Father put up with it all.......

The hidden Squirrel in you.

When something breaks nowadays you probably throw it out as it usually can't be fixed ( well at least it can't be fixed for less than what it initially cost you). Or you just shove it in a drawer or cupboard to get to later.
It wasn't always like this, you used to be able to repair things. In fact it was a mark of your ability to be able to be a useful husband / father in the future.

Like a peacock displaying it's feathers to gain a suitable mate, husbands/fathers to be must be able to demonstrate a working knowledge of everyday repair capabilities. This list examines that.

In order to repair things however, you need to build up a store of parts which often means just hanging on to some really broken stuff to strip for parts. It's a fine line because you don't want to keep everything - that's something different- but just enough to be useful.

Image courtesy of aricsherbie.blogspot.com

Hoarding is a listed medical condition. It is more often listed as Pathological collecting and is best described as the excessive acquisition and inability or unwillingness to discard large quantities of objects that would seemingly qualify as useless or without value. Compulsive hoarding  is also apparently associated with health risks, impaired functioning, economic burden, and adverse effects on friends and family members. I would say that's because you have to put all that stuff somewhere. 

When I was a kid I began to learn that my Dad kept a lot of stuff, he never seemed to throw anything away. I'm certainly not saying he is a compulsive hoarder and if I ever wanted to build/fix something he seemed to have a part of the things required.

But........

I did notice a couple of odd things

There seems to be eight  broken washing machines hidden under the house along with the half used cans of paint when he painted the house - 20 years ago.

He has a hobby farm that is liberally bursting at the seams with odds and ends. We once bought a pile of scrap iron and steel at a clearing sales because it had the one piece we needed. Mind you straight after the sale was complete a lovely lady came over and bought a bucket of horse shoes from our pile, for $5.00 which coincidentally was the price we paid for the whole pile !

Dad was for ever reusing stuff such as re-straightening nails to use again, picking up stuff from the hard rubbish collection in the middle of the night (which drives Mum nuts). My current lawnmower was on a hard rubbish pile and was "saved", refurbished and now works like a charm - if taking 30 minutes to start and making the same amount of noise as a Formula One car and blowing smoke constantly is counted.

When we were pulling down our old house he kept the whole lot to re-use the timber somewhere else. He still has some of it.

I assumed that I was fine and that I would not wake up one day with washing machines under the house. However when The Wife to be  first moved in I had 100's of drink coasters I had collected, which was a worry as I don't remember why I was doing that or when I had collected them.

I also started picking up discarded things from hard rubbish piles that I had decided could be fixed. Now I actively stop myself. It just got too hard to hide it all from the Beloved.

And don't think you're all perfect , we've all got "that drawer" or cupboard that is full of everything and everything, that we're always going to "clean up one of these days". It has all the things we have hoarded collected over the years and it's usually in the kitchen or in our case also under the stairs.

image courtesy of learning2coupon.com

You know why you haven't gotten to it yet -because some times it's just to hard to decide what should stay and what should go.

So now when I approach something that is going to have to go , I silently say to myself  "What would Dad keep?"

Matching Kids to sports

When I was a little kid I watched my sister learn to swim. I decided I could do that and away we both went. Turns out we were both pretty good at it and we joined a club and I ended up "retired' at about 19 years of age and went in to the work force never to  look back. The decision wasn't too difficult, when I was swimming there wasn't a lot any of money in it, so once I discovered you could work and get paid - I was off.

I'm a fairly chatty bloke so swimming may not have been a great choice for me, as you spend 2 hours a day twice a day, 6 days a week with most of your face and body under water and this does not lend itself to chatting. So I would have to start the conversation at each end when everybody was assembled and then carry it on though the session at each rest period. Which is no mean feat as you have to remember where you are in the conversation and the session you are supposed to be focused on.

Image courtesy of dailymail.co.uk

Actually now that I think about it if I had focused as much on the training as I did the chatting, I probably would have gone even faster and got yelled at a lot less by the coach.

So this leads me to my point ( bear with me I'll get there)

I now have two bundles of joy of my own and they are starting to reach the age where they are getting serious about sport. I want them to enjoy the experience and I certainly want them to get a sense of being part of a  team ( you don't get that in swimming ) and the responsibility that brings.

So here I am looking at each minion and trying to match them with a sport (which will also be parent friendly) and that ticks all the boxes above.

Ands it's hard not to want / expect that every time they run on to the arena that they will be the next big super star and be whisked way to a life of luxury and security (with me as their manager).

So lets have a look at the mainstream sports on offer now days for boys -

Aussie Rules Football - Not a sport for the faint hearted parent. If seeing little Bobby get his head driven into the ground and him return covered in mud and grass stains gives you shivers then try something else. Even with the extra rules to protect the little ones, it's still injury prone. Mind you nothing is quite as funny as watching little kids running up and down those huge grounds chasing an oval shaped ball that just won't bounce the way they want it to. It's kinda like herding cats.

Basketball - This gets a big tick from me, 2 halves of 18 minutes, it's indoors. Will not suit children who don't like running. Basketball is a very intense sport and I actually really enjoy watching it. The boys seem to get satisfaction from everybody on the team getting the chance to get scores on the board. I will however issue a caution, if your beloved lacks spatial awareness, carry a lot of tissues for the inevitable blood noses.

Soccer - Less heads being driven in to the ground than football.  Still plenty of grass stains and mud to keep the kids smiling and the washing machines on over drive. Does require attendance when raining so can be a little trying.

Cricket - This involves sitting around waiting, then you get to stand around waiting. As parents you sit around waiting on the sidelines. I'd pack a lot of snacks and wine coffee. Great for kids who never get bored and don't mind nothing exciting happening. Ever.

I know there's heaps more but only so much space.

So it sounds simple I hear you say, we pick a sport and show up ? As Admiral Akbar always says - "It's a trap !"

Image courtesy of knowyourmeme.com

After you have paid your not un-substantial joining fee and uniform fee, each week you will be given a task to assist with on game day. The task could be something simple like cutting up the oranges or buying the snakes for the end of the game. It could however be umpiring or even worse - scoring.

Woe behold if you get scoring and you make a mistake. Before you will get a chance to correct it hordes of parents will point out your error and hopefully for you its not a close game or it can get really awkward. Some of these parents take U9 sports very, very seriously.

So as Saturday rolls around and we fire up the family Taxi to get everybody to the various events, I thank my lucky stars that neither of them are interested in synchronized swimming.....

Entertaining. It's like flying a plane you know

My earliest memories of dinner parties that my parents held are my sister and I getting up early  the morning after when the sophistication has gone and all that's left is some  Carrs Water crackers with a slice off egg and a small teaspoon of fish roe on top. The "caviar" has stained the egg slightly black but it's still a mouthful of adulthood - snuck while they are still asleep. The remnants are cleaned up quietly and the room is done.

The next room holds a a treasure trove of half finished deserts, dirty coffee cups with their rims gently marked with lipstick of all shades and in the center of the table - the ultimate prize - Tulip After dinner mints. The rectangle white box and the mint - in a small brown envelope - was what we were here for. You could sit up in the big chairs around the table and slide the mint out of the envelope and then put the envelope back in the box. The perfect crime.

After all how were they going to remember how many had been eaten ?

The rooms still smelt faintly of cigarette smoke and stale perfume. All of which to us was just another example of complete sophistication.

The diner parties were strictly off limits whilst they were in full swing. If you were going to interrupt it you better have either Ebola or have been the victim of a shark attack. Children were to be not seen and certainly not heard

My parents were the masters of entertaining, everything was perfect, from the gold rimed Noritake dinner set to the individually polished silver cutlery. The guests would arrive and champagne corks and polite laughter would pepper the evening, and then after a while they would all move from the lounge room to the dining room to consume delights prepared earlier.

Image courtesy of http://3.bp.blogspot.com

Well that was the 70's and 80's. Fast forward to today and the pressure to entertain well is akin to being a pilot of a 747. One wrong move and lives are at stake.

I'm blessed to be married to a woman whose attention to detail makes OCD look like a common cold so I'm ahead of the crowd from the start. But don't think that makes it any easier, nowadays Masterchef and every other TV chef proclaim to be able to make even The Incredible Hulk able to cook up a five course meal in 30 minutes or less. So the expectation is already set.

And to make matters worse the meals have to good for you as well, because the minute you re-create Adrian Richardson's Crackling Wrapped Pork Roast  with mash and tarragon salad, some one pipes up with the calorie count and the next thing you know the forks start going down on the table.

Now days portion control is a major point of contention. Serve up an American portion and you'll be howled down, serve a big plate with the food as a desert island swimming in an ocean of sauce and people will look to you for assurances that there a  lot more courses to come. You simply can't win.

There's now even a movement of people who only use ingredients that are transported  less than 100 kms away from where they are, which is fine but that would mean I would have to start keeping cows and banana trees in the park around the corner. Which would be pretty hilarious watching all the people walking their dogs in the park trying to stop them from eating cow pats.

image courtesy of gorenm.com

Anyway entertaining has certainly changed and if the people you are inviting over have even the remotest interest in food and you don't want them to get  Social Commitment Phobia when you invite them over, you can't just slap some Coles sausages on plates and hope for the best.

No,  you are going to have to do research, preparation and planning. Which means you have to get all those cookbooks down from the shelf and read them.

Again I'm luckily ahead of most people as we have been given a plethora of cookbooks over the years from which to research from. I often wonder with all the millions of cook books purchased/gifted if anybody actually makes dishes out of them (besides us) or are they simply used as a conspicuous display of knowledge.

So next time your better half says " Hey we should have our friends /family over for [insert occasion here] " I'd think twice especially if they don't like Coles sausages....

Intention

" The road to hell is paved with good intentions." 

It's a popular variation of the original saying thought to have originated from St Bernard of Clairvaux who said "L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs" (hell is full of good wishes and desires)


Intention can be best described as the specific action or actions that a goal or outcome is aimed at. For those that follow along and are also fans of Freakonomics you will also know about unintended consequences. 
That is - the outcomes that were unexpected or unforeseen.


It would be fair to say I'm the master of those !

I often compare intention to New Years resolutions, you start at the absolute hard line and then quietly adjust it as time and reality creeps in. So for example, when I was younger I would make lists of all the resolutions I had to achieve in that year. Come the end of the year and a variation of the original had been achieved (sort of). So I began to learn that you had to be careful with the original plan.

In our house it goes a little like this :

It was our intention that the new dog would sleep outside at night. The reality was after 90 seconds of howling at the door, The Beloved relocated up stairs for the night with the minions and left me to deal with the noise. The next day a re-design of the "sleep outside" plan was developed. So we will be installing a dog door, which I have to organise.

It was our intention the at the dog would not be allowed on the bed. The second morning he was home he whined quietly and The Organised one picked him up and he was on. Now he knows that if a sleep in is trying to be had he will get some time on the bed by making noise.

Which is what he does now

Image courtesy of jinglegraphicdesign.blogspot.com

Every morning.

It was our intention that we would save money by shopping at the market. With two growing boys the bills were climbing up and the plan was to continue the healthy eating but at a reduced cost. The problem is that there are 2 supermarkets within 300 metres of the house. And you know I hate driving, parking and the rest of the rigmarole. Even with two grandma trolleys it still over flows both and we haven't been to the market yet.

It was my intention that I would teach the boys about bicycle maintenance by rebuilding a bike we found abandoned on the side of the road. I now have 3 incomplete bikes in the shed in various parts and stages.

None of them work.

Image courtesy of  bikedump.com

It was my intention that I would get the beloved a Valentines day gift ( with thought in it and prior preparation) yet there I was - Feb 14th at 3pm scouring around for gifts trying to find something.

So you can see that in our family good intention is discussed , put in to practice even, but  along the way .....

I put it down to life getting in to the way. I try to be a realist, I want for the best to happen but I know that I'll probably end up with some of what I wanted and some compromise chucked in for good measure.

And in the end I think that's what matters. That at least some part of the plan getting achieved and the benefit for me this teaches the boys that you have to be flexible and adaptive - Right ?

A new honour - Wizpert (or Dad on the Go Live ! )

Sometimes in doing what you love and are passionate about, some one says "Hey you are the kinda person we are looking for !"

But after some smarty pants nominated me for "Best Mom Blogger " and then a number of you voted for me, I was wary of such invitations.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was invited to join Wizpert, a service that matches you with an expert on the subject that you need advice on. So I dutifully filled out the details and away I went. I ticked the parenting box as I felt my travel and foreign language expertise could be a best considered poor.

And lets face it who better to talk to than the guy that did this and this to new jeans to get advice on avoiding such issues.

I also have the great privilege of talking to the CEO Michael Weinberg, about my blog and being part of Wizpert. He is a father of two and looks just like I expected an entrepreneur to look like - switched on and energetic.

So now you can talk to Dad on the Go live on Skype ( it's free ) and who knows maybe we can discuss avoiding this !

The challenge of becoming a Husband

I was listening to a conversation about getting married the other day and it made me think of when I was trying desperately to become a husband.

There's no real way to dress it up - It was a long up hill battle. And lets face it, when have I ever made stuff I want to do, easy for myself.

I had met the Future Bride at a party of a friend. Due to the nature of the party we were left as the only two people standing (literally) and just kept on chatting. A few more dates pass and I had decided that this was the woman I wanted to marry (or at least spend as much time with as possible before someone else snagged her)

image courtesy of weddingcaketoppers.net.au

We started to get pretty serious, she would stop on the way home from work (night shifts) to see me and we would go to parties and out to dinners together when ever possible.

I once even slept in her car out the front of the house after a party, which was all going unnoticed until I got busted doing a pee on the nature strip.

So time moves by and there we were travelling nicely as a couple, until the Parents in law To Be went away and we decided to spend the week together at my place. The plan was simple, we would go back to her parents house each day or so to water the plants and feed the dog.

The dog gets fed, the plants get watered and I get uninterrupted access to the dream girl.

Easy. No one gets hurt.

The neighbor ratted us out.

Now here's where it gets tough for any potential suitor. Her mother was less than pleased and immediately I was labeled as trouble. To come back from here was going to be tough. The relationship with my mother-in-law to be was not good.

Oh who am I kidding, there was no relationship.

So here's Tip #1 - Build a good relationship with your proposed family in laws.

So as you can guess I did what any husband to be should do. I went to every family function and did what ever I could to be helpful. Dishes, serving food, helping, cooking food. You name it I did it. Because at this point I was on the bottom of the family ladder.

So now I'm working towards the engagement. We were going on a holiday and I had decided to surprise her with a useful travel item (pre Sept -11 days) a Swiss army knife. Somehow I manged to describe this "surprise"  that made it sound exactly like an engagement ring. She was beyond disappointed. I still haven't lived that one down.

So here's Tip #2 Do not try and surprise her with small gifts. Get really big ones until after the engagement. In fact no small gifts until after the wedding as all small gifts may will be misconstrued as diamonds.

image courtesy of tunningdiamonds.com.au

When it's time to ask her father for permission to marry his daughter, take your time and do not rush this meeting. It is full of traps.
Firstly choose the time and place carefully. Also if he points out an attractive woman - For goodness sake DON'T look.

When her father asks you how your job is going he not asking to be polite, Oh no he is ensuring you can look after his daughter and eventually his grand-kids so don't bore him with what a jerk the guy opposite is or how dumb your boss is. Keep it simple and to the point - You have a job and it pays.

If somehow you manage to make it past this point, don't think you are out of the woods just yet.

The proposal itself is for her just as critical as the wedding day. It has to able to be able to be recounted to all her friends and gain the ever sought after "he's soooo romantic, I wish my [insert term for other half here] was more like him !". The Wife To Be will expect you to get down on one knee as well.

And don't be put off by those stupid rom-coms where it all goes wrong and then is suddenly the most romantic thing on earth, that never happens. Just keep it in line with things she likes to do with you (not paintball or go-carting) and work from there.

Tip #3 Remember the proposal is like the diamonds you're going to eventually have to buy her  - Forever.

So think carefully and plan.

The biggest challenge I found was just be yourself. Your Wife To Be is going out with you because of you, nothing else ( unless you are a mining magnate and if you are - get a pre-nup). I got all caught up in trying to be perfect / make everything perfect and usually ended up just making it harder for myself.

And as I always remind people, you have to work at your marriage - it takes patience and persistence and most of all planning ! So you are going to have to work at becoming a husband as well.

So as I sit here typing away, looking back on 13 years of marriage I say to you - get on to it - its a cracker and you won't regret it.

Being a new Dad - The first years (Pt 2)

When you start going out with someone, your family starts asking when you're getting engaged,

So you get engaged.

The your family start asking when your getting married,

So you get married

Then your family wants to know when your going to have babies,

So you have a baby

Then your family want to know when you going to have another baby,

So you have another child.

And here's where it gets interesting. You've now got two bundles of joy and the whole dynamic changes. I've always thought that the number of  years that separate the two kids will determine how they are going to behave towards each other. I'll let you know when the experiment finishes in 40 years.....

 They all start out cute

The first day we got the new Mr Junior home we decided to bath him, which of course made him cry. Mr Elder then started screaming to "Stop, Stop you're hurting him !!" his natural protective instinct had kicked in. I still laugh when I look back at that one. His little face all screwed up in rage and fear at us.
Come to think of it, he still does this with his face when I take away his computer privileges when I'm punishing him.

I still remember the first time they were in the bath together playing happily and I think it was Mr Junior who did a poo in the bath. Mr Elder jumped out like a scalded cat yelling and pointing which left poor Junior screaming and looking around trying to work out which part of him was broken because he thought he was falling apart.

We thought to ourselves how lucky we were to get two brothers who didn't fight or squabble over things as

for the next 6 months all Mr Junior would have to do was grunt and Mr Elder would come running over, pick something up and hand it to him. It drove us crazy as Mr Junior then refused to learn to crawl because he had his own personal slave to run around after him.

They even seemed to have worked out how to communicate via this grunting as Mr Elder would always know exactly what his brother needed.

 "Hey, I thought you said cartoons were on next ?!"

But it doesn't take long before they decide they are competing for your attention. And so begins the competition. I don't think they set out to antagonise each other - it just happens that way.

"Get out - I was here first !"

This is where your parenting skills along with your patience will be sorely tested. It seems as if every thing/toy/object one picks up immediately becomes the most desirable object in the universe and they both absolutely can not exist without it.

I makes you tear your hair out in frustration watching them fight over a stick one of them found on the ground or a cardboard box that a particularly expensive toy came in !
Anyway, with patience and a take no prisoners (King David style) approach you can get through it. Just as a side note your cupboards will become full of crap you have taken off them because they are fighting over it.

As I discussed in this post there are solutions you just really have to plan out what you're going to do.

Time waits for no man and as the days go by, they are now constantly trying to work out their place in the world whilst still being completely dependent on you. But because there are now two of them it becomes crowded in their world.

So the boys will then constantly push the boundaries of their world and as parents we will be the fence that gently pushes them back, after all we can not have them parading around naked just because they are "too hot" or have a water fight minutes before we leave for a party dressed in our good clothes.

Actually on party behavior - I extensively discuss what will and won't be acceptable at gatherings and functions. I do this because ..... well it's fair to say I may have caused some issues when I was younger. I convinced all the other kids that we should get on the roof because that's what you do at a BBQ. It turned out quite a few of them were scared of heights so it took some time to get them up there and it took a great deal of  time to get them back down.

But I digress. So now I have two boys and the world has changed yet again. Now begins the years that will shape them into the men that they will become.
I just have to remember to stop laughing out loud at fart jokes and sniggering when someone says something remotely mis-construable because I'm supposed to set a good example.

So take what you will from my experiences, as I march on savoring the moments and trying not to break anything on the way !






These precious moments when all the stars are aligned and they are friends for awhile are the ones you truly cherish. (So get a picture while you can!)