Dad dating (a lesson for families)

When the kids make a new friend, the wives usually become friends because they are picking up / dropping off the kids to and from school and so by default get to spend more time to get to know each other. The kids spend all day to together and then you throw in a few play dates and everybody is comfortable with each other.

So that means all that's left is for the Dads to become friends.

Sounds simple right ?

Wrong.....

Like everything in the world all men (whilst being perfect ) are different and will have different interests (and sporting codes / teams etc )

Well duh , I hear you say. Shush - thank you, just hear me out.

Kids make friends pretty simply. Another kid would have to do something pretty drastic to have someone say " I don't like them "
Same with wives and significant others. They have the kids, the school etc, as things in common. They then build from there.

So what do we have ?

We have the expectation that we will just get along with the other Dad because, hey we're guys right?  We have simple needs right ?

Pfffffft.

Well imagine you are off to the said first meeting ( herein referred to as "Date")
There will be a mammoth amount of conversations and questions going through our minds prior to the date.

What if he drinks Corona ?

What happens if he pokes holes in the sausages whilst cooking them ?

What happens if he has the BBQ on too high and he burns the food ? 

     What happens if he doesn't like sports ( has happened )

Image courtesy photoeverywhere.co.uk

The stakes are high, you don't want to be the one that brings the whole thing undone by by some simple throwaway comment.

This means that the whole time you are trying to guess what to say (or not to say) and trying to learn as much as you can about the potential suitor by carefully drawing out the information whilst not being overtly suspicious or obvious.

I have been at first time dates and seen normally quite open and easy going Dads turn into human ostriches. They simply just didn't know where to go with the conversation and just completely withdrew in order to not wreck the date for everyone.

So to Dads embarking on the first date - Be prepared - ask your family about their new friends, background intel prior to the date is always usable as conversation starters when you have exhausted other channels.

And to families - I implore you to go easy on your Dad next time you want him to go to your new found friends house or catch up with them. There is a lot for your Dad to worry about and a lot of pressure on him to get it right.

After all it's pretty hard to replace us and start again - Right ?

Right ?

The Inside Totem pole

In many indigenous cultures throughout  North America  it's believed they used totem poles to communicate a wide variety of messages. The Wikipedia entry on Totem poles states:

"The meanings of the designs on totem poles are as varied as the cultures that make them. Totem poles may recount familiar legends, clan lineages, or notable events."


I humbly submit that there is a totem pole in every families kitchen. It looks something like this :

That's right , your fridge. The humble refrigerator. 

First commercially available in 1915 and well established  by 1930 with almost 60% of American households having one to replace their old  "icebox". I'm here to tell you that your fridge is no longer just for housing leftovers of indeterminable age.

If your family is anything like ours each week we have around 20 events for that week that need to be accounted for and planned logistically. This doesn't include school and work ! (They just happen.)

And as most of you  know my wife is a organisational genius, so each Sunday there is a quick planning session where all information added to the desk planner (month at a glance) during the week by family members is added to the master plan for that week which is then posted on the fridge. Shopping lists and chores have their own permanent spot .

And it's not just "what's on" that's posted on its shiny metal surface, art,  achievements and even photos are put up and we always celebrate the wins and the milestones. 

So I say to you that, without realising it all of us have created our own totem pole and continue the practice of passing on important events and notifications.

With all the different activities in diferent places, meal creation becomes a challenge as there is usually precious little time to make them. Planning the meals for the week has helped immensely, ( both from a budget and nutritional perspective) I can tell you Jamie Oliver's 30 minute meals is a life saver, good food, prepared inside 30 minutes allows us to continue our dinner time. Other helpful sites are Donna Hay, and the good old Women's Weekly. 

Again the totem pole is used to publish what will be available and what the people getting home first will have to do to get it to the table.

So post up your own totem pole and lets celebrate families and communication !