Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How to get bat blood out of your couch

Stains are a part of everybody's life. As a Dad your going to come across some pretty interesting stuff. Some times you will be the stainer and sometimes it's the others who require assistance. Bottom line is you need to know how to remove some basic ( and other types ) of stains.

But first back to the title of this post. How did we get and then get rid of bat blood ?

We had left our intrepid In Laws in charge of the house whilst we went to see some New Year fireworks. "Somebody" left the wire screen door open and of course as could only happen to us a bat flew in the gap and started flying around the room, only to collide with the full speed ceiling fan peacefully attempting to cool down the house.

It bounced once and flopped on the couch.

Got its bearings and immediately took off into the fan again this time doing real damage and landed bleeding and stunned on the couch

A note about the couch - this is no ordinary couch, it was bought after much deliberating and sitting (on couches) , it's so huge it had to be hauled up to the balcony and brought in through the doors as it didn't fit up the stairs. The covering is micro suede and it wraps you up and makes you forget about the world whilst it lulls you to sleep. 

To say the beloved is obsessive about no stains on the couch is a gross understatement, at one stage we were only allowed clear drinks in case we spilt something ( so red wine was definitely out.

It was stain guarded within an inch of it's life but this doesn't matter.

So here we are with a blood stained couch, a mother in law locked in her room, a father in law holding the dog like Paris Hilton at a media event and no sign of the bat.

So the first thing was to....

Get the blood off the couch. The bat can wait. 

Soda water was procured (cold, as hot water sets the blood ) and off it came.

Stains come at you from any angle , grass , dirt, grease, kiwi fruit on a wall, funny black dust from the back of a mat, the list goes on.

Most of my help came from a book called Gloria's helpful household hints, because you have to be prepared and ready to remove any stain well before discovery if at all possible.

And as all of you know sometimes it's just too hard to explain how the stain came about.

Image courtesy of

Battery Acid - will come out with a little bi-card soda and water. Mix it into a paste and let it dry. Scrape it off and sponge the stain.
Oil - Spread lots of talcum powder over the stain and then put some paper towel on top. You need to put the whole thing in a warm place because you want the oil to heat up and be drawn in to the powder and towel. You will need your patience on this one.
Cordial on carpet - Try a good carpet stain powder and then wash lightly with some Napisan in warm water

Over time you will find that you can build up a handy little repertoire of tricks to keep any child or object relatively clean whilst on your watch. This will help you
a) Stay married and
b) Look like you know what you are doing as a parent

And for the record -  I found the little fruit bat clinging to the curtains and released him into a tree. I hope he mentions my kindness to his other more larger and dangerous friends.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Man Shopping vs Woman shopping

Well I'm back from my holidays with the family and I will post some photos etc later on. All in all another outstanding holiday with the family.

This week I want to discuss the serious ( not for me) business of shopping.

Hands up if you go shopping with your better half. Keep your hand up if it takes more than 4 hours. I bet you're also the person sitting outside the store on the benches waiting for browsing to be completed. Just about all of us will have their hands up right now.

Shopping is a mystery to me, I just don't understand browsing and not buying. Or browsing 20 stores and then going back to one of the items you browsed for, 7 stores ago and didn't buy, to buy it.

The logic itself defies me.

This is how I shop,

1 - Discover there's a hole (insert other requirement to purchase new item ) in my shoes / pants / shirt etc.
2 - Go to shop that has shoes / shirts / socks etc for sale to men ( you simply can not wear womens clothes to work )
3 - Purchase shoes / shirt / socks etc
4 - Leave store
5 - Go home

Men walk in, buy it and walk out. None of this browsing business.

I have noticed however to some shoppers, shopping is a not spectator sport. It is seriously competitive. If you are saying to yourself " No it's not - what's he talking about? "

This man has clearly been drugged

It starts in the car park. Why on this green earth do you have to get the parking spot closest to the front door of the store. And why do you have to wait for the current person to leave it - Even if that means holding up every other person trying to park.

Car parks seem to be treated as very large demolition derby's to find the "best" possible parking spot.

Once these athletes have completed the first task it's time to start browsing . But again there is no method to this madness. Nothing kills me more than when they randomly stop right in the middle of the walkways. It's the same as if you pulled out of a car spot on a major road and just stopped to do something else.

Oh wait I've seen someone do that ......

It's then on for young and old to get straight in to their shopping. I once went to a book store in the city for a laugh. There was 70 people in the queue waiting to buy books that they could buy online and download whilst in the store.
And the really funny thing was most of them were so bored they were all surfing on their smart-phones.

Anyway back to shopping, after spending money they probably don't have it's back to the car park to demolition derby their way out of the car park. Same skill set on the way out. Take any gap and any opportunity they see and other people be dammed.

As a side note - have you noticed the steel bolted on the side of the concrete pillars in car parks - it's there to protect the pillar. Seriously.

So next weekend if you are bored, take a trip down to the shopping centers and watch the mayhem. But my advice - ride your bike or catch public transport.