How to get bat blood out of your couch

Stains are a part of everybody's life. As a Dad your going to come across some pretty interesting stuff. Some times you will be the stainer and sometimes it's the others who require assistance. Bottom line is you need to know how to remove some basic ( and other types ) of stains.

But first back to the title of this post. How did we get and then get rid of bat blood ?

We had left our intrepid In Laws in charge of the house whilst we went to see some New Year fireworks. "Somebody" left the wire screen door open and of course as could only happen to us a bat flew in the gap and started flying around the room, only to collide with the full speed ceiling fan peacefully attempting to cool down the house.

It bounced once and flopped on the couch.

Got its bearings and immediately took off into the fan again this time doing real damage and landed bleeding and stunned on the couch

A note about the couch - this is no ordinary couch, it was bought after much deliberating and sitting (on couches) , it's so huge it had to be hauled up to the balcony and brought in through the doors as it didn't fit up the stairs. The covering is micro suede and it wraps you up and makes you forget about the world whilst it lulls you to sleep. 

To say the beloved is obsessive about no stains on the couch is a gross understatement, at one stage we were only allowed clear drinks in case we spilt something ( so red wine was definitely out.

It was stain guarded within an inch of it's life but this doesn't matter.

So here we are with a blood stained couch, a mother in law locked in her room, a father in law holding the dog like Paris Hilton at a media event and no sign of the bat.

So the first thing was to....

Get the blood off the couch. The bat can wait. 

Soda water was procured (cold, as hot water sets the blood ) and off it came.

Stains come at you from any angle , grass , dirt, grease, kiwi fruit on a wall, funny black dust from the back of a mat, the list goes on.


Most of my help came from a book called Gloria's helpful household hints, because you have to be prepared and ready to remove any stain well before discovery if at all possible.

And as all of you know sometimes it's just too hard to explain how the stain came about.

Image courtesy of tips.cleaninghouselondon.co.uk

Battery Acid - will come out with a little bi-card soda and water. Mix it into a paste and let it dry. Scrape it off and sponge the stain.
Oil - Spread lots of talcum powder over the stain and then put some paper towel on top. You need to put the whole thing in a warm place because you want the oil to heat up and be drawn in to the powder and towel. You will need your patience on this one.
Cordial on carpet - Try a good carpet stain powder and then wash lightly with some Napisan in warm water

Over time you will find that you can build up a handy little repertoire of tricks to keep any child or object relatively clean whilst on your watch. This will help you
a) Stay married and
b) Look like you know what you are doing as a parent

And for the record -  I found the little fruit bat clinging to the curtains and released him into a tree. I hope he mentions my kindness to his other more larger and dangerous friends.

Of Mice and Men.......

The first time The Beloved One knew that she might have more than just a husband on her hands, came very early on in the journey. Grandpa on the Go has a small piece of land and he actively farms it on weekends. (more often now that he is retired). This means we had to do many things that for normal people wouldn't even be given a second glance.

But for the two of us it becomes an epic adventure.

So GP says to me  " Hey, we need to get the dead branch out of the tree before it falls on the fence and breaks it."

" Plus it looks like some good firewood"

The " tree " he is talking about is some 30 meters high and the " dead branch " is about 2/3's of the way up and wedged tight.

image courtesy of somewhereelse.com.au

So as we collected the necessary tools, the future mother of our kids followed us around, ready to help where she could. Grandma gently took her aside, patted my new bride on the hand and told her calmly " it's best not to watch dear" and off they went.

So off we went as well. The idea was simple we would tie a rope around the branch to stop it falling on the fence and then we would, with another rope pull it out of the fork it was stuck in.

It was agreed that Grandpa would hold the rope stopping the branch hitting the fence and I would dislodge it.

Like this, it seemed a good idea at the time

The tree brach went down,

The rope tightened,

And Grandpa went up.

Imagine a teabag in a giant cup going up and down banging against the side of the cup, except the cup is a 100 foot Gum tree and Grandpa is the teabag.

After he let go and dropped to the ground he hobbled inside, his knee now the size of a basketball. Grandma calmly went about getting ice packs and pain killers, she was after all quite used to this.

After we had all finished for the day and after fixing the broken fence, my wife said to me "At least now I know and it won't be a suprise later on."

and she was right.

Things you should teach your kids (as a Dad it's kinda your responsibility)

As a Dad there is a whole range of things that you know and are (probably?) expected to teach your kids. Depending on what your dad taught you will depend on how you see the responsibility of passing on what knowledge and when.

So for example, I have found it very hard to teach the kids how to change a car tyre but very easy on how to start a fire ??!!

Also, Grandpa on the Go was a surgeon and I have assisted him with operations, but that doesn't mean I'm teaching the little dudes what I was shown. *


It's stuff that I was shown as I grew up, that is not only useful but actually helpful. Lets face it, you shouldn't have to ring a plumber every time a tap starts leaking.

I compiled this list because I know that schools today often don't teach this stuff and that's OK. The schools have to focus on forcing the minions kids into neat little bell curves and ensuring their university entrance rates remain over 80% and their NAPLAN scores are high, so I know it's up to us as Dads to get this vital knowledge passed on.

So here is part of a list that I will be teaching my sons, that I know that will help them get though life and that they will be able to pass on to their kids:

To Juggle
How to cook Spaghetti Bolognaise
Some self defense
All the different types of farts
How to pitch at Tent
How to catch fish and more importantly, how to clean a fish
How to play poker
How to change the oil on a car
How to light a fire
Some basic carpentry
3 clean jokes to tell
How to change a car tyre

How to change a tap washer
Basic bicycle maintenance
BBQ meat properly and know the difference between rare and medium !!
Apply a field dressing (important for my kids as I bleed a lot)
That's its Ok to lose (sometimes)
Iron your own shirt
Carve a roast chicken
And the most important thing - Family comes first.

The list isn't here in its entirety but you get the idea. We as Dads need to make sure that our kids don't get to their 20's and be unable to perform what I consider to be basic life skills.


* Especially after the incident with the cat. (I will write about this  later)

Image courtesy of paintingpetsandpeople.com