Dealing with Loss

I don't deal well with loss.

There I said it.

I really hate it when I had something and then I don't. Or worse when someone else had something and now no longer does.  ( I'm glaring at the moment at the other occupants of the house ). I know I'm not alone.

Nothing frustrates me more than when someone loses something of yours. And don't get me wrong I'm not just focusing on the cost of goods now days. Even though thirty years ago you could by 20cents of mixed lollies and they would last the walk home.
Now you have to by $20 dollars worth and hope the 8 lollies you get, last the drive home or an inter-car boxing tournament will break out.

No - I'm talking about caring. I think that if you're upset about the loss then you care.

Image courtesy videosonar.com

I once had a physical altercation with the refrigeration because I though it had lost my squeezy bottle of Dijonaise (you know the one Adrian Richardson advertises ?) Why , because I care. Plus that stuff is awesome on sandwiches.

It's quite frustrating seeing that look of  "Oh well I'll have to get another one " just drives me nuts.

It's not OK. You lost it.

Think about when you were at school. At the start of the year you are given beautiful fresh books, a set of pens, paper,pencils coloured pencils, Textas and an array of sharpeners erasers etc.

But by the middle of the year whats left ? 3 Half chewed HB pencils, 4 Textas with no lids and some of the coloured pencils.

Image courtesy of mypigeonpair.blogspot.com

Now I get why my Father would get so cranky about me leaving his tools around the yard. He expected that if I would use them then I would afford the tool the usual courtesy of returning it to where it came from.

The issue is for a long time I was under the impression that if I left something in a certain spot that was because I would know to go back there to get it.

Let me illustrate how it works :

I get home and I want to change out of my "good " clothes into something comfortable ( for a long time this was just my jocks ) so I take of the good clothes and leave them on the floor. Exactly where I will be able to find them again later.

Why ? Because that way they will be where I could find them when I next need them.

Now let me illustrate how this all fell apart:

When the beloved first moved in she had commented that my "filing system " of on the floor was not suitable. I took this as "advice " ie It wasn't a set in stone rule. After a few more mentions, I had left clothes etc on the floor and then gone out to work. When I came home my clothes and other items left on the floor were now in the yard under a sprinkler.

The system was abandoned in favour of the new "advice".

So now I patiently try to teach the Minions that yes you can use my stuff and no you cannot leave it where ever you think you will remember it.

And I wonder how my Father put up with it all.......

The hidden Squirrel in you.

When something breaks nowadays you probably throw it out as it usually can't be fixed ( well at least it can't be fixed for less than what it initially cost you). Or you just shove it in a drawer or cupboard to get to later.
It wasn't always like this, you used to be able to repair things. In fact it was a mark of your ability to be able to be a useful husband / father in the future.

Like a peacock displaying it's feathers to gain a suitable mate, husbands/fathers to be must be able to demonstrate a working knowledge of everyday repair capabilities. This list examines that.

In order to repair things however, you need to build up a store of parts which often means just hanging on to some really broken stuff to strip for parts. It's a fine line because you don't want to keep everything - that's something different- but just enough to be useful.

Image courtesy of aricsherbie.blogspot.com

Hoarding is a listed medical condition. It is more often listed as Pathological collecting and is best described as the excessive acquisition and inability or unwillingness to discard large quantities of objects that would seemingly qualify as useless or without value. Compulsive hoarding  is also apparently associated with health risks, impaired functioning, economic burden, and adverse effects on friends and family members. I would say that's because you have to put all that stuff somewhere. 

When I was a kid I began to learn that my Dad kept a lot of stuff, he never seemed to throw anything away. I'm certainly not saying he is a compulsive hoarder and if I ever wanted to build/fix something he seemed to have a part of the things required.

But........

I did notice a couple of odd things

There seems to be eight  broken washing machines hidden under the house along with the half used cans of paint when he painted the house - 20 years ago.

He has a hobby farm that is liberally bursting at the seams with odds and ends. We once bought a pile of scrap iron and steel at a clearing sales because it had the one piece we needed. Mind you straight after the sale was complete a lovely lady came over and bought a bucket of horse shoes from our pile, for $5.00 which coincidentally was the price we paid for the whole pile !

Dad was for ever reusing stuff such as re-straightening nails to use again, picking up stuff from the hard rubbish collection in the middle of the night (which drives Mum nuts). My current lawnmower was on a hard rubbish pile and was "saved", refurbished and now works like a charm - if taking 30 minutes to start and making the same amount of noise as a Formula One car and blowing smoke constantly is counted.

When we were pulling down our old house he kept the whole lot to re-use the timber somewhere else. He still has some of it.

I assumed that I was fine and that I would not wake up one day with washing machines under the house. However when The Wife to be  first moved in I had 100's of drink coasters I had collected, which was a worry as I don't remember why I was doing that or when I had collected them.

I also started picking up discarded things from hard rubbish piles that I had decided could be fixed. Now I actively stop myself. It just got too hard to hide it all from the Beloved.

And don't think you're all perfect , we've all got "that drawer" or cupboard that is full of everything and everything, that we're always going to "clean up one of these days". It has all the things we have hoarded collected over the years and it's usually in the kitchen or in our case also under the stairs.

image courtesy of learning2coupon.com

You know why you haven't gotten to it yet -because some times it's just to hard to decide what should stay and what should go.

So now when I approach something that is going to have to go , I silently say to myself  "What would Dad keep?"

How to get bat blood out of your couch

Stains are a part of everybody's life. As a Dad your going to come across some pretty interesting stuff. Some times you will be the stainer and sometimes it's the others who require assistance. Bottom line is you need to know how to remove some basic ( and other types ) of stains.

But first back to the title of this post. How did we get and then get rid of bat blood ?

We had left our intrepid In Laws in charge of the house whilst we went to see some New Year fireworks. "Somebody" left the wire screen door open and of course as could only happen to us a bat flew in the gap and started flying around the room, only to collide with the full speed ceiling fan peacefully attempting to cool down the house.

It bounced once and flopped on the couch.

Got its bearings and immediately took off into the fan again this time doing real damage and landed bleeding and stunned on the couch

A note about the couch - this is no ordinary couch, it was bought after much deliberating and sitting (on couches) , it's so huge it had to be hauled up to the balcony and brought in through the doors as it didn't fit up the stairs. The covering is micro suede and it wraps you up and makes you forget about the world whilst it lulls you to sleep. 

To say the beloved is obsessive about no stains on the couch is a gross understatement, at one stage we were only allowed clear drinks in case we spilt something ( so red wine was definitely out.

It was stain guarded within an inch of it's life but this doesn't matter.

So here we are with a blood stained couch, a mother in law locked in her room, a father in law holding the dog like Paris Hilton at a media event and no sign of the bat.

So the first thing was to....

Get the blood off the couch. The bat can wait. 

Soda water was procured (cold, as hot water sets the blood ) and off it came.

Stains come at you from any angle , grass , dirt, grease, kiwi fruit on a wall, funny black dust from the back of a mat, the list goes on.


Most of my help came from a book called Gloria's helpful household hints, because you have to be prepared and ready to remove any stain well before discovery if at all possible.

And as all of you know sometimes it's just too hard to explain how the stain came about.

Image courtesy of tips.cleaninghouselondon.co.uk

Battery Acid - will come out with a little bi-card soda and water. Mix it into a paste and let it dry. Scrape it off and sponge the stain.
Oil - Spread lots of talcum powder over the stain and then put some paper towel on top. You need to put the whole thing in a warm place because you want the oil to heat up and be drawn in to the powder and towel. You will need your patience on this one.
Cordial on carpet - Try a good carpet stain powder and then wash lightly with some Napisan in warm water

Over time you will find that you can build up a handy little repertoire of tricks to keep any child or object relatively clean whilst on your watch. This will help you
a) Stay married and
b) Look like you know what you are doing as a parent

And for the record -  I found the little fruit bat clinging to the curtains and released him into a tree. I hope he mentions my kindness to his other more larger and dangerous friends.

Face it Dad, you are not a plumber....

I had an physical altercation with the dishwasher. I know it was wrong  but it was giving me the irits. For the 900th time it had just refused to start and was sounding an annoying alarm complete with a "not listed" in the manual error code.

So now not only did the dishwasher not work but it also now had a series of dint's across the front. These small fist and knee sized marks had caused much heated discussion and angst in the house, so it was decided that a new unit was required.

Being the handyman that I am I confidently declared that not only could I negotiate for the new dishwasher, but that I would save the $95 and install it sans plumber.

After all how hard could it be. I just take out the old unit and slide the new unit in after connecting the hose and the water outlets.  They're all the same after all

Right ?

So a new dishwasher was procured and brought home. (I am not paying $50 for delivery when I can do that myself as well)

An apprentice was selected ( Mr 11) and the cupboard under the sink was cleared so pipes and drain hoses could be disconnected and then the new hoses reconnected. I am constantly amazed at how many vases we own and they all seem to live under the sink ? What are they for ? I certainly don't buy flowers !

1st Problem - the hose could not be disconnected as the spanner was too small. So off to Bunnings we go and these were purchased :

(Now try and show me a tap I can't disconnect !)

So I took out the old unit and left it in the yard appropriately disposed of it and the apprentice and I carefully appraised the situation (opened a beer )

2nd Problem - The new dishwasher has a water  filter/pressure modulator on the end

 ( the big square thingy)

And it doesn't fit in the current hole from the previous dishwasher hose.

A drill and a larger hole is required. So a series of holes around a measured area were drilled and a hammer was employed. The apprentice gets into the cupobaord to ensure that perfection is acheived.

3rd Problem - There is two layers of chipboard where the hole needs to be. The hammer is'nt working, so many more holes are drilled and  the situation appraised ( a second beer is opened) Then more vigorous hammering in undertaken.

The hole is now sufficently large enough to fit.

4th Problem - The hose now fits so I clean the edges of the hole with my hand to ensure nothing impedes the hose or casues problems later on.The cabinet maker used pretty much every nail he had and I felt a sharp pain in my finger. No  time to worry we had work to do. But now blood is dripping on the floor and getting on everything. The hole in my finger was tiny but the blood just kept going.

So after a first aid stop, the situation was appraised ( yep another beer).

The taps are now connected and the drain-hose is fitted (two hose clamps and a heap of four letter words)

Now all to do is slide in the unit and test.

Clunk. The dishwasher hits the bench and stops. We re-angle and try again, Clunk and stop. This can't be happening how can it be too tall ? I measured the gap and compared this with the manual. We get the measuring tape and remeasure the hole and the dishwasher and they are indeed different.

Time and and a lot more cursing goes by.

The apprentice asks about the screw in feet. He is immediately hailed as a genius. The feet are lowered and in slides the unit. We have 10 minutes to get everything back to normal including putting away all those vases, before the lady of the house gets back.

The apprentice says "I can see you love doing this stuff Dad but you're no plumber"

So I have learned an important lesson - Never get into a fight with a dishwasher as they will have the last laugh.